self-observations

• 0408 — tendency to talk in explanations – I get neurotic when I try to explain everything, including how and why I try to explain everything. Relax.
• 0343 — a pretty good week sleep earlier / do the dishes / avoid internet drama / prioritize the best people / don’t self-flagellate
• 0159 — morning run with the wife good things: waking early / eating breakfast / running / knowing your desired end-state (doesn’t need to be perfect) / picking achievable goals / 1-1s
• 0301 — gym, and how I usually get stuck – good post about getting stuck because of lack of answers to questions, not breaking things down into steps.
• 0176 — the state of my vomits represents my life quite well – very messy, lots of false starts, lots of incomplete half-done stuff lying around everywhere. Complete the missions.
• 0127 — I don’t enjoy games the way I used to – too fake now. I still occasionally like them as a way of experiencing a bit of flow, but I have more important things to do.
• 0331 — primitive map of behaviors pt1 and pt2
• 0429 — dissatisfaction with vomits
• 0489 — a weekend of refactoring
• 0291 — my lacklustre relationship with poker – I could never quite convince myself to work very hard to get great at it

unreliable narrator – how to correct self?

• 0356 — Less wrong and next steps
• 0293 — i’m bad at estimating (for now)
• 0274 — clawing out of delusion
• 0390 — my feelings are often wrong and unreliable
• 0173 — New Lens Become New Blinders
• 0085 — parasite w/ psychological insulation
• 0056 — rip you out of my skull
• 0126B — kill the saboteur
• 0103 — The sneaky procrastinator waits patiently for The Slip
• 0272 — addicted to cheap validation, and switching to doing hard things

feels / experiences – what is it like to be a certain way?

• 0205 — recurring examinations and let’s get outta here – interesting vomit where I start out stressed from a bad dream and I work it out of my system
• 0130 — two thirty am
• 0200 — cold wistful rainy day
• 0439 — perpetual wistfulness
• 0500 — I’m proud of you
• 0243 — unwell
• 0210 — after the unfriending
• 0438 — break in case of utter desolation: a script
• 0430 — needed changes and a perfect month
• 0366 — “I was stuck but not anymore”, again
• 0459 — just a little tired

body

• 0363 — blood sugar 1
• smoking
  • 0122 — whenever i stop smoking
  • 0202 — smoking cessation and ten minute pomodoros
  • 0362 — latest cigarette thoughts
• 0119 — unclogged, future direction
• 0118 — What I’ve learnt from writing over 120,000+ words.
• sleep
  • 0117 — sleep
  • 0075 — sleepy and unfocused
  • 0034 — waking early
  • 0015 — waking up early + smoking

desired-end-states

Can probably summarize a lot of the following into a single post.

• 0365 — stuff I’d like done – schedule, exercise, diet, information diet, improvement of form, wardrobe. [revisit: interesting]
• 0188 + 0189 — the kind of person who insists that shit gets done [revisit: good]
• 0150 + 0151 — Restatement of Purpose – life is an intrinsically meaningless game. To enjoy a game (however meaningless), you have to take it seriously within the context of the game. (Consider War of Art perspective, or Taleb’s traders.) Build assets that compound over time. Get unstuck faster. Help others. Learn to think better, then teach others. Clean up your thoughts. Help the kids like yourself (Ensler).
  • How are you going to measure progress towards these ends?
• 0542 — more good than bad, please sick. If I can increase my PB on squats, I can do other things I haven’t done before. “I need to earn my own respect, be kind to myself, be my own cheerleader. And I can be my own Fastball Special.” [revisit: motivating]
• 0286 — don’t want to be frustrated – eliminating self-flagellation, being a better parent to myself.
• 0371 — a space for myself that I deserve I get impaired when I sleep poorly so I need to sleep better. Fog is temporary.”My vision is– I’m going to become a disciplined, responsible person who gets shit done, so that I can carve out spaces for myself in this messy reality in which I can play and have fun.”
• 0402 — a yearning for deep companionship “The yearning for companionship might really just be a yearning for validation. For people to tell me that I’m okay. And I’m pretty good at talking to people in a way that makes them tell me I’m okay. I want something more than that. I want the respect and admiration of peers who are equals, peers who I respect and admire myself.”
• 0520 — know what you want and go get it
• 0126 — deactivate / large number illiteracy – I would like to get better at making sense of the world
• 0237 — Correct Misperceptions + Asymmetrical Warfare
• 0203 — mindfulness and grand theft auto – there are missions to do if you pay attention and listen carefully.
• 0182 — I will probably work on procrastination and productivity problems – #shrug

concepts

1. 0428 — integrity ““I grew up thinking concepts like “integrity” were lame, and sort-of rebelled against them. It wasn’t very useful or effective towards any end. I’m starting to realize now that integrity is actually really useful, because it allows for efficiency. If you can trust a tool, you can focus on the task at hand. Not having integrity means not exactly being able to trust yourself.”
2. 0532 — guilt as a signalling mechanism – it’s not an absolute thing. It’s possible to have too much of it. Don’t just be overwhelmed by it, pay attention to what it’s trying to tell you.
3. 0213 — freedom requires violence
4. 0212 — Bullshit breaks down at the boundaries
5. maps
   1. 0368 — ugh fields
   2. 0497 — low-res maps vs high-res maps
6. 0395 — procrastination as Parent vs Child breakdown
7. 0052 — deep thinking, 20s, conditional self-esteem
8. 0019 — scale of influence, redundancy
9. 0183 — Everything is a remix + checkpoints and milestones
10. 0073 — local optimum
11. 0142 — Arbitrary configurations of reality
12. self-concept
    1. 0483 — Poor Little Me
    2. 0024 — procrastination as pain-avoidance
    3. 0123 — laziness as work aversion
13. 0482 — gooey people and prickly people
14. stimuli
    1. 0009 — Jugs Of Water and Motivational Posters
15. 0053 — no such thing as level playing field / we rarely love people
16. 0043 — Life is theatre, writing for self
17. 0067 — rotten apple
18. navigation
    1. 0082 — metaphorical airports destinations comfort zone
19. 0120 — building self-control like building a company
20. 0062 — Facebook fatigue
21. 0028 — the 25%
22. 0125 — the self as a state
23. 0108 — future as escapism
24. 0111 — activation energy hypothesis + tattoos, piercings, mohawks
25. 0165 — Cheap Turpentine and Varying Opportunities
26. 0328 — the village idiot goes to the forest

directives

• 0232 — use stories as a thinking tool
• 0260 — moments out of time – it’s good to engineer good moments
• 0109 —Be mindful of context + commit to flow, and interestingness
• 0155 — write to solve your own problems
• 0349 — ‘be dangerous’
• 0308 — Draw, Play, Explore
• 0384 — express your values through planned actions I value growth, progress, overcoming fears and weakness, triumph over adversity. To express those values I need to overcome my own limiting factors– sleep better, review my work better.
• 0279 — win yourself over and frame everything in terms of helping the people you care about.
• 0264 — cultivate different perspectives (by moving yourself)
• 0223 — identify your workflow processes
• 0269 – leave your comfort zone regularly (lectured to SMU students)
• 0268 – see through the circus and focus on the fundamentals
• 0261 — Solve for Adoption
• 0255 — fail forward
• 0248 — develop productive rituals

Stop / don’t  / beware

• 0514 — don’t build taj mahals –
• 0231 — don’t be a caged eagle – break free
• 0323 — beware supernormal stimuli – they’ll trap you into habits you don’t want.
• 0400 —don’t hoard  truth in boxes – they lose their power that way. integrate them into your model of reality, and your behavior.
• 0263 — Stop searching under streetlights –become less useless, sharpen the saw
• 0124 — Stop living in the past
• 0432 — let go of your fixations
• 0466 — beware fuckarounditis – one thing at a time
• 0462 — beware grandiose proclamations
• 0491 — everything changes so stop holding so tight
• 0490 — mindfully avoid muscle memory
• 0222 — Never be mean – it leads to boring outcomes
• 0057 — Don’t feed the troll –
• 0074 — stop sharpening the axe – do the goddamn work
• 0072 — don’t break the chain – use momentum to your advantage
• 0398 — beware digression Get to the next threshold ASAP. Achieve your objectives.
• 0330 — beware overthinking (make decisions quicker)
• 0106 — pointlessness of argument don’t argue it’s pointless

 priorities / basics

• 0442 — game of priorities
• 0509 — putting my gains first
• 0309 — draw an arbitrary line in the sand
• 0201 — breathe
• 0511 — prioritize strength
• 0137 — make time for Life
• 0434 — go  somewhere new
• 0059 — Wake Early
• 0249 — take slow walks

Mission / mindset

• 0138 — Figure out what makes YOU happy
• 0220 — aim for the company of immortals
• 0524 — acknowledge the silly “big-minded man” game
• 0435 — earn some self-respect
• 0208 — earn your keep
• 0211 — reflecting on why

GTD

• 0058 — Monotask
• 0292 — the way to do it is piecemeal: learn one new song at a time
• 0528 — break things down
• 0425 — replace hyperbole with precision
• 0045 — pick the smallest problem and annihilate it
• 0327 — self-flagellation, roadmaps, timetables
• 0353 — discharge your strength, productively
• 0344 — wipe the slate clean and face your problems now
• 0340 — decide in advance + do it immediately
• 0287 — Change the lights
• 0335 — no zero days
• 0383 — review your principles regularly
• 0385 —schedule revisions for learning through repetition
• 0493 —suspend judgement of low-res work, increase resolution through practice
• 0281 —zoom out to see how you’re blocking yourself “I say things like “I want to be rich one day”. That’s a nice convenient semi-fiction. Because it’s unverifiable. What am I doing to ensure that I will be rich one day? Nothing in particular. How far away is one day? It can be anything, it can be never. I can hold that belief rent-free until it’s too late, and then go “Welp, it’s too late now. Such is life.””

Strategy

• 0478 — move forward
• 0214 — destroy the boxes
• 0361 — play the bigger games
• 0494 — get into the arena and play to win

Method

• 0360 — screw feeling guilty about not appreciating life
• 0224 — win the person, not the argument
• 0247 — reminder to confront limiting beliefs
• 0246 — reminder to focus on fundamentals after the feels
• 0396 — publish crap

JFDI

• 0337 — no really do it now
• 0336 — wake up do it now
• 0206 — fuck it just do it
• 0196 — go go go
• 0381 — fuck fear
• 0355 — punch the goddamn tires

peopling

1. 0021 — judging others, guruka singh, letting go

Baggage

• 0295 — forgive your inner criminal
• 0282 —  make your plans together with your inner child
• 0376 — meditate and reflect to unlearn childish incompetence “I need to systematically anticipate shitty situations and deal with them before they become issues. I need structure. I need focus.”
• 0100B — protect your inner child from smoking and abusive relationships (x)

-ings

1. 0397 — living life stressfully, and elephants breaking free We are all elephants tied to posts. Don’t talk to other elephants. Free yourself first.
2. 0302 — breaking out of patterns
3. 0300 — break free from your stale, suffocating patterns “People like to come up with stories that make them feel like they didn’t have much of a choice. It allows you to give up, give in, surrender to fate. You just put up a socially acceptable amount of resistance– you whine and bitch as much as it takes– until you get tired, or until you feel like you’re justified, and then you go on living the same way, doing the same thing. You complain about drama, but really, you’re guilty of perpetuating it inside your own head.”
4. 0164 — Recognizing Naivete, and #welcometothecircus
5. 0233 — improving my environment (x)
6. 0273 — revisiting the central problem (undertaking the schlep)
7. 0241 — Revisiting “on purpose”, from 2009
8. 0518 — refactoring my personal library
9. 0204 — fixing anxiety, pausing and changing environments
10. 0198 — progressing recursively
11. 0503 — troubleshooting my first story
12. 0193 — prioritize ruthlessly and follow through
13. 0190 — awaken to inner richness
14. 0170 — question your assumptions; what got you here won’t get you there
15. 0479 — revisit the Resistance
16. 0276 — listen to yourself
17. 0540 — scratching new surfaces + desired end states
18. 0531 — do things for placebo purposes
19. 0529 — gently calibrating expectations
20. 0450 — practice pauses
21. 0460 — dancing to the internal compass
22. 0484 — thinking about tools
23. 0437 — walking over the same old ground
24. 0473 — breathing easier
25. 0469 — decide to grow
26. 0501 — revising personal narratives and self-concept
27. 0496 — identify personal baggage that needs addressing, and address it
28. 0016 — expressing the repressed, and art
29. 0026 — meet older friends + singapore/overview effect
30. 0046 — being a fucking human being
31. 0048 — brain reality and starting from scratch
32. 0066 — starting over, reflections on procrastination
33. 0143 — Question own assumptions about how life should be lived
34. 0464 — toy with mediums
35. ing
    1. 0089 — starting beeminder
    2. 0083 — talking over you
    3. 0448 — coming of age
    4. 0037 — changing circumstances
36. 0441 — peopling, and silly
37. 0433 — evolve the 1000wordvomits project
38. 0406 — reflect on habits
39. 0405 — deal with slipping and with foggy black boxes
40. 0316 — think and talk about anger
41. 0315 — sorta starting from scratch, managing the mind
42. 0307 — deal with plateaus
43. 0303 — build up the meatbag
44. 0305–2nd workout, reflecting on overthinking

questions

• 0234 — answering questions that arise pt1 and pt 2
• 0537 — what is going on?
• 0512 — are you a player or a spectator?
• 0507 — what does love mean to you?
• 0499 — what would Visa like to read?
• 0480 — “Why do you read?”
• 0475 + 0476 + 0477 — How did I get here?
• 0474 — “Do you have any writing advice?”
• 0436 — what for?
• 0348 — what does done mean?
• 0341 — what is done?
• 0290 — what makes a good video game?
• 0215 — why do I not sleep better?
• 0199 — when self-mastery? when self-discipline?
• self-knowledge
  • 0184 — What moves me?
• 0179 — Why can we sometimes change our habits, and sometimes not?
• 0177 — Why bother doing your work when the universe is going to be extinguished in the end?
• 0162 — What do I really want, what are my utility functions?
• 0158 — Why do anything? The Disneyland Analogy
• 0147 — if it works, do you accelerate it?
• 0133 — Which Singapore?

realizations

• 0431 – your priorities are what you do, not what you say you’ll do
• 0392 — life is precious
  • 0195 — rewrite: life is precious
  • 0114 — life should be exciting, and we should see it
• 0319 — tawk is cheap
• 0277 — adulthood is about learning to parent yourself
• 0426 + 0427 — significance requires responsibility – you have to earn it.
• 0121 — a bird in the hand is worth a flock in the sky
• 0504 — the pebble in the shoe is worse than a rocky road – make yourself better
• 0488 — getting shit done is a lot of work
• 0487 — progress is cringeborne
• 0485 — the athlete must play hurt
• Boredom
  • 0486 — boredom is a symptom of a cluttered mind
  • 0468 — boredom is a bug of the mind
• 0454 — the echochamber is the siren
• 0098 — everything we do is to feel good
• 0185 — A list of “What I’ve Learnt”s, and part 2

Reading

1. 0228 — getting back into the groove of Heavy Reading
2. 0226 –re-reading landsburg
3. 0225 — auditing myself + what to read next
4. 0187 — Reading Dostoyevsky and repeating myself
5. 0144 — reading in the mornings and the joy of decluttering
6. 0440 — reading old vomits (and thoughts for new ones)

writing plans / goals / next-steps

• 0388 — I will write In case I forget how much I love words.
• 0546 — the future of my words
  • “If I take my cues from Emma Coats and Carl Zimmer, you gotta do the research and then write what you think it is that you want to write, and then identify the story that’s lurking beneath the depths of whatever it is that you’ve just written. And then you gotta rewrite the whole thing.”
  • “I also obviously just need to go through old things that I’ve had sitting around forever and just fucking get them out of my system because it’s goddamn tiring and frustrating and overwhelming to have to carry all of that shit around with me all of the bloody time. It distracts me from living in the present. It distracts me from enjoying my coffee, and from enjoying the company of friends and loved ones and life is just too goddamn short to be stuck. So I gotta take a cue from Ray Bradbury, and to get out of bed and jump onto the landmine called me and just fucking explode. Who cares if short stories aren’t a thing anymore? It doesn’t matter. Sincerity is always a thing and that’s what I need. “
• 0533 — the next steps of my writing journey – 1. I would like to write things that I really believe in, get paid to do that, and then get paid so much that I don’t need to do anything else.
• 0527 — next steps for main blog
• 0521 — next steps for writing and work
• 0517 — writing for a richer experience of reality
• 0543 — writing as joyful self-correspondence
• 0508 — writing publicly again
• 0422 — reconfiguring things to become a better writer
• 0411 — writing aspirationally
• 0314 — writing when tired, little rubbish piles

Operations / navigation, review/process

• 0266 — planning next steps after a holiday
• 0256 — personal daily sitdowns
• 0207 — a restful day + somewhere new now – example of a good day

Dump

• 0033 — blah update