Somebody said to me yesterday, “You’ve got so much potential, isn’t it a waste if you don’t go to University?” What should I say to that? I don’t want to go to University, I don’t qualify for great courses, and thank you for thinking I’ve got great potential- I don’t think that’s something worth talking about- but I’ll just take that elsewhere, then. Why not? What’s wrong with that? Meh.

Anyway. I went to bed earlier than usual last night- I had intended to go to bed at about 10pm but I think I actually went to bed at about 10:40pm, which is not too bad (Sometimes I intend to go to bed at midnight, and end up going to bed at about 6am, which is terrible). And I think I’ve discovered the best case for sleeping early- it seems to me that when you sleep early, you need less sleep. When I sleep at 11pm, I wake up at about 7am. Which is about 8 hours of sleep. When I sleep at 3 or 4 am though, I tend to wake up at anywhere between 2 to 4 pm- which is 10 to 12 hours of sleep. Somehow sleeping early allows me to feel more rested AND save about 3-4 hours a day. That’s almost magical if you think about it. Compound that with the fact that early mornings are just beautiful times to be up at- the weather is pleasant, the world comes to greet you, all is beautiful and well. I need to practice going to sleep early and waking up early enough for this to enter my thick skull until I feel it in my bones, rather than just intellectually.

Sleep early, folks.

A part of the reason I think I was even ABLE to go to bed early- apart from having meant to for quite a few days now- is that I had hit the gym hard the day before. My whole body is sore- specifically my traps and hamstrings- and there’s something about having a body experiencing intense muscle soreness that allows you to in-your-bones feel that you really ought to go to bed and get some recovery time in. I thought I knew this already but it makes it clearer- hard exercise makes it easier to reset sleep cycles.

I haven’t been doing my word vomits lately and I’m really sorry about that- but at the same time I should realize that I shouldn’t let it get me down, that falls-off-the-wagon are normal and I should just get right back on this bitch. I started out thinking I was going to recompensate for it by doing 3, 4 maybe even 5 vomits a day- but now that doesn’t seem very doable, or even if it were doable, it’s way too intimidating and it ceases to sound fun- it starts to sound like work. What I should do instead, when I fall off the wagon, is to just get right back on, without any consideration about additional recompensation. Just get the habit rolling again. You can do more when you’re ready, you can strike more when the iron is a little hotter. For now, just get back on track. That’s all that matters.

There has been a lot going on in my life lately that I wish I could talk about more freely, but I can’t because it involves other people’s lives and I can’t afford to play around with that. Which is a shame, because I think it might be the source of my most honest, sincere and powerful writing yet.

But then I flip it on its head- why don’t I just write about it anyway, for myself? And then I realize that I have gotten so used to the idea of writing for an audience of some sort- even in the early days of my blog- that I have forgotten what it is like to write entirely for myself. I hardly ever do that- I only ever seem to do that with pen and paper, when I am alone. I used to do it during my Signals course and I thought that was a pleasant headspace to be in. So I should probably do that.

I have my ambitions and I have articles to write for Poached and I haven’t really been answering questions on Quora, either. At the same time I really need to put my resume together and get a job. I think my absolute first priority is to go through my entire blog- I’ve already started, and I’m going to go all the way through. It’s really kind of hard to explain WHY I’m doing this but it’s just something I have to do. In my personal life I also have got to sort out all my books and posessions. I did a massive warddrobe declutter, and it’s amusing and scary how you can lose so much and still feel like it’s not as lean as it ought to be. How you can throw so much out of your spaces and still realize that there’s clutter left underneath the clutter. I think we should all live minimalist lives. Oh god I have so much clutter everywhere.

But again, baby steps in all things. You can’t survive multiple major operations, but you’re more likely to get fit through healthy diet and exercise, through a slowly built habit, progressively. I ran out of cigarettes yesterday, and I’m going to put off buying a new pack for as long as I can.

I also need a job. I’m going to be trying for SIA Cabin Crew- the interview is on Jan 26th. I really hope I pass the test and get selected, because it would be all kinds of awesome for me. I would be able to read and write like crazy, and see the world, and meet friends living overseas, and it would just be superfantastic. I hope really really hard that it works out. I’m going to do my research about how it works and make sure I’m the most well-informed sonofabitch who shows up there.