copes
I’ve settled on /copes/ as the page that I’m going to use as the cornerstone or anchor post for a bunch of other posts in the 2copes category. Posts include… These aren’t all the posts, but I’m putting them here to look at them a certain way, to see if they spark some realization for […]
rugpulls
placeholder post for future rugpull content A useful bit of vocabulary from the world of crypto is the idea of the ‘rugpull’. Which is just a condensed form of an older idiom, “to pull the rug from under someone”. Sooner or later, everyone gets rugpulled in life. You find out that your parents lied to […]
emotional knottedness
you’re unlikely to be less tired tomorrow if your tiredness is actually emotional knottedness, which requires dynamic action rather than rest sometimes what you need is “strength training” ;;; via (archives/junkyard-of-vague-intentions) “knottedness // It’s probably true that I might’ve benefited from a break, but I didn’t want to do that, either. Ideas about emotional knottedness […]
What does it mean to “process” an experience?
(original thread) What does it mean to process something? I see versions of this question all the time, and I seldom see anybody give a really satisfactory answer. I think I have a pretty good one. Generally speaking, the thing that needs to be processed after a peak experience, are one’s prior assumptions. Lemme explain… […]
why were you late?
Here’s a story that I often tell people, and it’s useful enough that it’s worth writing up to share with more people. I started my first real adult job in early 2013, working in marketing for a software company. I think both my ex-boss Dinesh and I would describe myself similarly: 22-year-old Visa was a […]
safety rituals
the meta thing is, this sort of conversation itself will become a safety ritual if you don’t then take some action that changes the game. I think a good way to do this without bullshitting yourself is to take some new (small) action that you’ve not taken before (or recently) but also, you can live […]
Advanced Stupid
I have a lot to say about this, have been sketching drafts of this over and over, never quite satisfied, so here is a dump of notes. to be updated Advanced Stupid is a phase I’ve found myself using to describe how intelligent people can be exceptionally destructive, to themselves and others. A regular stupid […]
take baby steps
this is section 2.5 of introspect. “I always love it when people say ‘baby steps!’ to imply they’re being tentative, when actually baby steps are a great unbalanced, wholehearted, enthusiastic lurch into the unknown.” – @OliveFSmith It can be useful to compare and contrast different domains in your life, particularly ones where you are successful […]
self-worth
this is one of those things where someone is trying to make you feel good with comforting noises, which is honestly sweet – but if you’re a thinking person and you investigate this a little closer, there are a lot of followup questions. What IS self-worth even? (original thread) If self-worth is worth that you […]
happiness
The following is a transcript of the above video, edited for readability. I think there’s a sort of mainstream understanding of how happiness is almost all-inclusive and elusive and just kind of ephemeral. Kind of vague, kind of general. There’s a lot of different ways to conceive of happiness. I would say that I don’t […]
write your memoirs
(2024nov update/comment: while doing some recategorizing, it struck me that this post fit in almost every single category I have on the blog. It really touches everything. It’s very central. It really helps to know the story of your life so that you can tinker with it. It’s a source of great power, in my […]
the solution to your imposter syndrome is not inside your head
The problem of imposter syndrome (under-estimating yourself) and Dunning-Krueger (over-estimating yourself) are both addressed by Talking To Other People so you can revise your self-estimates. I think people don’t talk to other people enough, and aren’t really listening properly. Listen to a dozen other people talk about their problems. really listen. it’ll cure your imposter […]
“Shouldn’t I want to make the world a better place?”
The following is a section I cut from an old draft of INTROSPECT. I’m inclined to say no. Not until you’re ready to handle such a heavy burden. As with weightlifting, carrying too much can hurt you. “Should” is one of those words that seems fairly innocuous, but can end up becoming a very invasive […]
“i’m such a failure”
This is a collection of posts and videos about failure and mistakes. learning to be ok with mistakes: It’s the panicky flinch response to a mistake that really definitively cements a mistake as a mistake. otherwise it’s just interesting dissonance you can work with and around mistakes contain buried insight. My personal growth really began […]
narrow utilitarianism
just as it takes the lows to define the highs, and the dark to define the light, if you want to be properly utilitarian, you must from time to time be an absolutely useless fellow
exhaustion funnels: why tired?
2024-03-17: I find myself wondering, maybe this post should be retitled “why are you tired?”, in comparison to “why were you late?“ The exhaustion funnel is a simple concept that I wish I encountered when I was much younger. It puts a name to a phenomenon that I repeatedly experienced throughout my teens and 20s. […]
👶 a theory of pissbabies
The following post is meant to be fun, silly and tongue-in-cheek rather than serious, and yet at the same time I’m hoping it might be somehow useful – much like Aaron James’ theory of assholes and Harry Frankfurt’s theory of bullshit. I want to clarify in advance that I’m not looking to create a slur. […]
hostage
WIP / buncha notes There’s a 2018 video game called Detroit: Become Human. It has its pros and cons, I’m not sure I would particularly recommend it to everyone. But I will definitely say that it has a really strong opening. The game is about a future with lifelike androids in it, and as the […]
shame
I’ve been thinking about shame lately. Here are some riffs, and maybe I’ll flesh this out into something more substantial later. (dec2023: this should also tie in with the status regulation and deviance posts) From time to time I encounter Singaporeans who describe me as shameless. It’s absolutely fascinating to me. I was still thinking […]
narcissism
Usually, if you ask someone to imagine a narcissist, the first image that comes to mind is someone enjoying how they look. Someone who loves the sound of their own voice, someone who loves attention, being seen. That’s broadly accurate. But I want to also add that sometimes it can actually be more narcissistic to […]
👑 earn self-respect
(see also: self-loathing, self-worth) I think it’s important to earn one’s own self-respect. What does that mean? Well, you have to have a sense of what you respect in people, and then you have to conduct yourself in a way that you deem respectable. I respect people who are… Friendly. Sometimes friendliness is a “cope”, […]
🤝 how I rebuilt my trust in myself
A friend once said, regarding my Twitter, “I like how Visa says he’s going to do something, then immediately does it.” It’s actually an ADHD coping mechanism. If you ask my friends from my teenage days, they’ll tell you I was unreliable, full of shit, and that you couldn’t trust anything I said. This was […]
🏛 the prestige trap
I’ve had several conversations with friends who’ve been incapacitated by the burdensome bullshit obligation to Have A Meaningful Life / Be Remembered / Do Important Work. It strikes me as socially inherited bloatware that causes tedious lag, which ironically prevents you from being awesome. When people say things like “just be yourself”, I think often […]
depression
I’m keeping this post on standby because from time to time people ask me what to do if one is depressed, or thinks they are depressed. I am not a professional, I am just some guy. But sometimes people want to hear from some guy. So here’s what I got. I believe I’ve been depressed […]
how to be more optimistic
Optimism to me is not merely a posture or an attitude, but a way of being.
😂 learn to laugh at yourself
One of my private beliefs that doesn’t translate very well is that true comedy is sacred. And not sacred as in solemn, but sacred as in profound. & even fart jokes can have a profundity to them if you get it right. But strangely few comedians seem to get it. Maybe I’m delusional? I think […]
🧐 It’s my fault and that’s a good thing
(notes for a future essay about self-blame, responsibility, the concept of fault) A long term tension in my life: I don't feel qualified to lead, but I don't see anybody really worth following, either. When, where and how did I inherit these annoyingly perfectionist standards and ideals? — Visakan Veerasamy (@visakanv) April 4, 2018 Beeware […]
📺 we turn our lives into mostly-predictable sitcoms
(The following is from a conversation with a friend, after an acquaintance told us about feeling suicidal) it’s interesting to me how people fall into “roles”. have you heard of / read Eric Bernes’ Games People Play? Basically it’s a sort of framework for interpreting social interactions. Any social group seems to quickly develop a bunch […]
🔥 hypothesis: the 7 ‘sins’ are really ‘drives’ that can be harnessed
I once extensively dissected all the 7 deadly sins as a mental exercise (I was bored as a conscript, and I wanted to solve the problem of Sloth.) I came to the conclusion that the 7 sins aren’t actually sins, but drives. They’re only “sinful” (in my opinion) when these drives are channeled in an […]
beating yourself up is egotistic
I learned that failure is by and large due to not accepting and successfully dealing with the realities of life, and that achieving success is simply a matter of accepting and successfully dealing with all my realities. — Ray Dalio, Principles When I was a kid, I was stuck in a very silly cycle. I’d get home from […]