Self-loathing is a form of narcissism

it can seem like a harsh thing to say to someone who’s struggling with it, but it’s the truth. “I intrinsically deserve worse than others” is a mirrored version of “I intrinsically deserve better than others”. it isolates and alienates. most people can see how there’s a thrill in being a coercive bully, in having power over others – what’s less obvious is that this applies inwards within a person, too. eating disorders and other forms of self-abuse can follow this pattern.

the camera of consciousness is focused on how “pathetic” the loser-self is, but it conveniently hides from attention how glorified the hater-self is. when you hate yourself, there’s a part being hated and a part doing the hating. I invite you to examine and consider the part doing the hating. Who is that person? Where did they get their ideas from, their language from? That person is you too. It’ll be tempting to try and destroy that person, but you can’t bully a bully into being a better person, because that only teaches them that bullying is how you get things done.

it’s unproductive, selfish even, to fixate for too long about what a terrible person you are. identify what you’ve done wrong and then focus your time & energy on enacting and embodying the solution