There’s an exchange on Tinder(?) that I once saw on Twitter that I think about a lot. Read this really slowly and closely because there is a lot to learn here.

First of all, he opens with “there is no way you swiped right on purpose” – this is already a bad move in my book, because it telegraphs “I don’t think I’m worthy”. This could be a joke, but it’s not a great joke.

Notice how when he says “I’m only 5’8 I’m sorry”, her response is “Are you trying to get rid of me” – this is an interesting reveal of how we each, understandably, tend to be focused on our own experience. He’s trying to preemptively disqualify himself to avoid getting rejected, but her witnessing him do that feels like a rejection of her, to her.

Once he said “I just know 6 feet or taller is required”, he has sabotaged himself. Because now he’s talking in generalizations to the specific person in front of him, which ruins the attraction she has for him. She was hoping to make a personal connection with a cute guy, but instead she found a man who’s monologuing about society instead of being attentive to the woman in front of him.

When he says “hard to be positive when that’s reality”, he’s abdicating responsibility for the way in which he has just distorted reality with the way he’s conducted himself.

He then actually goes on to look her up on another app to continue seeking validation for his personal narrative. It’s very important to him that she confirm his belief that he’s disadvantaged in life because of his height.

You don’t have to live like this.