It took me a long time (maybe 10-15 years?) to properly realize that I was in an abusive relationship with myself, where my self-talk was contaminated with the language of coercion.
Working on an ebook about this, UNLEARNING COERCION: https://gum.co/coercionbook
“high agency” and “growth mindset” are roughly the same thing, and it’s also connected to “unlearn coercion” – you can’t coerce someone into a growth mindset. bc it’s fundamentally about freedom.
“freedom” & “love” have the same roots, etymologically. and i’m increasingly thinking that this is the single most important concept in my entire mindgraph. true freedom, true love, true absence of coercion. clear of obstructions, unrestrained in movement.
the cool thing about Jesus and Buddha is that they tried to present alternatives to coercion
the absence of muscular tension
when your body stops fighting itself
when the chaos of your mind quiets
true and total relaxation
learning to let go
total acceptance of reality as it is
believing it’s possible, at least hypothetically
true resonance throughout your being
to be free you must be loving towards yourself
to love yourself you must be free
it’s a funny and cruel paradox of sorts
many will despair; it’s ok to despair
you should also laugh if you can learn to see the humor,
there is a freedom in deep belly laughter at the absurdity
you don’t have to start perfect, nobody does
before you learn to love the totality of your being (i’m certainly nowhere close, lmao) you can learn to love some part of yourself, you can learn to forgive some part of yourself
each little act of love sets a little bit of you free
you cannot insult, harass, shame, embarass and coerce people into becoming better people. because what they’ll learn from it is that insults, harassment, shaming and coercion are how you get things done
if nothing else, kindly but firmly refuse to do this ^ to yourself. refuse this repeatedly and over time the tension will dissipate and the freedom will increase
(or not! it’s up to you, lol)
the mistake that people make if they’re early on the path to unlearning coercion is that they use the old way to try and install the new way. this is hilariously self-defeating. it’s ok. it’s ok to get it wrong. laugh, shake it off, try again
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People become authoritarian dictators over themselves, the same way all dictators rise to power. They promise security, glory, greatness. They point at weakness and fan the flames of contempt.