(1) the creative life is lonely but freeing when nobody cares about your work

(2) it gets good when discerning folks like your work bc of their independent assessment of it

(3) it gets frustrating when less-discerning people start showing up because of social proof via (2)

creatives who are not sensitive to this phenomena sometimes kill their own creative spirit because they start to pander to people from (3), because those are the people who in aggregate have the most money to spend, prestige to give, etc.

Navigating (3) without losing your mind requires developing skills of disengagement. Seems to me you have to learn to tactfully/politely ignore people, etc. This is VERY hard for lots of creatives, because it’s directly the opposite of what got them there in the first place.

Sometimes you’ll see a celebrity comment on something, and you’ll think “LOL why did they say that? they could’ve just kept their mouth shut” – yes but, often they *became* celebrities precisely because they were the sort of people who can’t keep their mouths shut.

Not saying it *excuses* the behavior, but it certainly *explains* it. quote-tweeting a celeb with “omg shut up” not only doesn’t work, you drawing attention to them just reinforces their self-image as someone that people want to hear from and talk about. Haters are fans too.

“you should respond to everything” is a position that I started out with, and I still believe in the overall spirit of – but once you cross a few thresholds, it then basically becomes a “hijack me and waste my time whenever!” sign on your back. people start prodding you for fun.

And you have limited hours in a day. it looks like I got ~80 mentions on twitter yesterday. that’s a normal day, nothing went viral or anything. these are mostly real people with real thoughts. sometimes I miss a mention or 5. even with my friends, I can’t reply to everyone.

So it gets to the point where, if I care about my friends, and I do, I *have* to ignore some strangers. I just don’t have the time or headspace anymore. I spent 15+ years having more conversations with strangers and randos than I think 99% of humans ever will.

Oh, I didn’t even talk about my DMs. I get somewhere between 3 to 10 DMs a day. Yesterday some guy I don’t know started asking me for advice about some terrible thing that I can’t possibly help him with. Like… I have household chores to do, man. I wish I could do more but I’m only human.

I suppose this thread is a sort of roundabout reflection/meditation on the nature of accumulating social capital. I always wondered what it’s like to be someone who had it. I have some of it now. Somehow it seems simultaneously wilder and more mundane than it’s made out to be.

It’s very satisfying to have dozens of kids tell you that reading something you wrote helped them through something, made them decide to try and be kinder and more nourishing, etc. The cost of that is every so often someone will seriously accuse you of being a literal psychopath. And if you are a sensitive, thoughtful person, you can take those accusations very seriously. which is ironic! if I were the narcissist that people say I am, I would either agree (“duh I am!”) or disagree (“fuck you”) or go on with my life. but I am conflicted about everything.