A thing i’ve gotten very good at that I just helped a friend in DMs with is de-escalating other people, eg someone DMs you a massive wall of text, how do you respond to that? I’ma try and share what I can without being too specific.

If I get a huge wall of text, I tend to start by laughing and acknowledging (“haha wow this is intense!”) – this punctures the solemnity somewhat.

If there are lots of intense questions, I try to give short, breezy answers.

(fictional egs)

“Should I quit my job and dedicate my life to becoming a therapist?”

“Yooo that’s a big decision. I would take my time with it, talk to more people. Are there intermediate steps you could try out without taking a dramatic leap?”

“What does it mean when a lover abandons you?”

“Oof that’s rough. I’m sorry to hear that. It’s hard to say for sure. Everyone is working through their own personal bullshit. It could have nothing to do with you at all. Or they might have latched onto something of yours. It’s complicated. But I wouldn’t rush to try and make total sense of it immediately.”

“how do you find your one true passion in life?”

“Ehh, I wouldn’t get all dramatic about it. What do you like? What did you enjoy doing as a kid? What do you do for fun if nobody’s watching?”

If they try to pedestalize me, I gently-but-firmly reject that.

“you’re the only guy that makes sense to me”

bruhh, you gotta read more

“you’re the only one I can trust”

that doesn’t seem healthy man. I’m just some guy. u should talk to more ppl

Generally speaking my frame is: people with this sort of grandiose/manic/intense energy are sometimes having some sort of episode. It might not necessarily be an actual mental condition or illness – grief, shock, etc can happen to anyone. Sometimes they’re looking for someone to match their energy, to play out their drama/fantasy with them. I try to gently acknowledge them “that’s rough”, but friendly-kindly refuse to participate in the catastrophizing. This refusal isn’t conveyed directly – “I am not going to participate in your delusion” is basically the worst thing you can say to someone who’s actually delusional, because there’s a good chance you’ll make it worse. Rather, little things like “hm,” “what makes you say that,” “I don’t know about that”, “that’s not how I see it,” go a long way.

sometimes people calm down and get “better”, sometimes I think they get bored (maybe because they were looking for someone who’d provide them with a false sense of comforting certainty, rather than invite them to think and take responsibility eww 😂)

I repeatedly remind people that I am Just A Guy, Y’know? I don’t actually know much about that actually, shit’s complicated, oof, yikes, damn, idk, etc

“wow you’re so humble”

pls stop dehumanizing me bro I am a human with all the same human problems as u <3

“no but you’re rly special”

you’re special too, tho maybe u might be fixating on me a lil too much to see how special you are. everyone is special. nobody is. cmon now

keep this going for a bit and people get bored

sometimes that hurts my feelings a bit LMFAO it’s like they came at me expecting a Heroic Guru-God Figure and I’m like “yo i’m a person” and they’re like “oh shit nah i’m good thanks”

to be continued