Fun fact: Sharan Kaur and I got married 4 years ago today.

It was kind of a secret. We did it over milkshakes and hotdogs at a cute little biker bar, with $35 rings, surrounded by a small group of friends. We had prata afterwards. (And stayed up late at night talking about death; so romantic.)

At the time it felt like we were doing something crazy. I didn’t have a job yet, and we didn’t have tonnes of savings. But we figured that we’d be okay if we were super frugal about it. (Most shockingly, on hindsight, we went 4 months without WiFi.)

We upgraded our home bit by bit, celebrating the arrival of each new thing – a washing machine, a refrigerator, proper bed, a wardrobe, water heaters. Somehow we even got two cats along the way. Sometimes it still feels like we’re playing a very long game of The Sims.

Living with someone – even when it’s your best friend in the whole world – can be hard at times. You become coupled oscillators for better or worse. Your meals overlap. Your sleep cycles overlap. Your moods overlap. You have to deal with the consequences of each other’s mistakes, you have to deal with your partner violating every one of your implicit assumptions about how things ought to be done. (Sorry!) You have to communicate, especially when you don’t feel like it.

One of my boss’s favorite quotes is “Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize until you attempt to make it precise.” The phrase “I love you” happens to be one of the vaguest statements of all. You don’t even know what YOU mean when you say it, until you’re put in situations where you’re forced to demonstrate it. When you’re exhausted. When you’re stressed. When you make mistakes.

But I’ve learned that we actually have to be grateful for all those difficulties, all those challenges and annoyances. Because they give us the opportunity to reaffirm what we believe to be true. It’s in the trenches of everyday life that we fight for who we are.

I love you, Sharan Kaur. I believe I meant it when we were 14, and I know I mean it much more at 26, after all we’ve been through together. I’ll resubscribe to you every time. <3

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Photo by Verkur