I was doing some much-overdue introspection and was faced with the following observations and thoughts: I notice that I have developed a habit of either playing chess or going on twitter before getting started with my work sessions– and oftentimes I end up deferring the work sessions repeatedly until sometimes I don’t do any work at all. As a self-employed person, this is permissible until I decide it’s not, but nevertheless it’s still interesting to examine and investigate. One way of looking at it is that I have needs for leisurely recreation– of course I do– but then my question would be, why am I ‘crossing streams’? Why am I doing a bait-and-switch? It’s kind of dishonest. Normally I would interpret this kind of behavior to be a rebellion against unearned authority, and… I do think this applies here, too. It helps to split myself up into multiple conflicting sub-selves. Maybe I’ll name them.

• GOOFY — Part of me wants to relax, goof off and have fun. Lately that might mean chess or twitter, but even here I have some slightly aspirational goals like reading and watching movies for pleasure.
  • Part of me wants to do random frivolous projects that might not have any obvious benefit for my wider operation. Things that come to mind are like… sorting out my photos. Or looking up the history of the Kingdom of Aksum. I feel like this is a similar/related part to Goofy, but not the same. Maybe I should name it Pluto, lol.
• STRONK — Part of me wants to be physically fit and healthy. Probably the most important thing here that comes into conflict with everything else is that it means getting decent sleep. I find this very hard to do as a busy parent, but maybe it might get easier if I find some elegant solutions to some of the conflicts.
• FREN — Part of me wants to be social – to meet and talk with friends, and to be out with people more generally. I’m sad to say that this part has gotten the shortest end of the stick a lot for many years. I really hope to change this substantially once I move to my new home later this year.
• VOLTA — Part of me wants to be productive and get things done. I mean this in a very specific sense… I mean doing things that specifically advance the Voltaic/FAN mission. This is the part of me that wants to do meaningful, substantial work that really makes a difference to people. It doesn’t necessarily have to make any money. This is the “life’s work” stuff. Outside of family, this strikes me as the most important thing in my life.
• GUS — Part of me wants to provide for my family. That means doing things that make money, like soliciting more consulting clients, or selling more books. I don’t particularly enjoy having to do this stuff, and if I’m not careful I can be a bit grumpy or resentful about it.
• DAD — Part of me wants to be present for my family. He wants to plan family outings, take the wife out on dates, bring the child swimming, establish family traditions. This guy is friendly and agreeable and kinda gets pushed around by the others. I’m reminded of how, in Singapore schools, as exam season approaches, teachers often commandeer P.E. classes to do remedial lessons for their subjects. It never happens the other way around.
• V — And part of me is tasked with managing and overseeing all of these conflicting selves. And my manager self is kinda overwhelmed, kinda incompetent, feels like he’s failing everyone, sometimes gets into a huff and overreaches and frustrates everybody else.

So. What should I do next? I think I should think in terms of a bunch of actions I could be doing. What’s the difference between a substack note and a substack post?