I wrote a 300-page ebook titled Introspect that I’m really proud of. Over 2,500 people have bought it so far. I’d estimate maybe 20% of people have read it proper all the way through. Dozens of people who’ve read it have said really wonderful things about what it helped them do. I’m confident that if more people read it, that would be a good thing. As a marketer by profession, I know that what that means is that it needs marketing. That means… talking about the book, in ways that are smaller than the length of the book.

I could write: Introspect x LotR, Introspect x ATLA, Introspect x Moana. I tried to summarize the book in a sort of poetic paragraph about coming home to yourself, but I’m not obsessed with it.

• Your (worst) problems are likely not what you think they are.
• If you’re stuck, there’s likely a good reason for it. There’s also likely an additional good reason why you’re avoiding the first reason. (It’s typically some form of fear, which is trying to protect you. The ultimate fear is often a fear of death/loss, and/or social death. For many, the latter is often more frightful than the former.)
• Self-love isn’t just bubble baths and spa days, it’s about confronting the “monster” within yourself that you have ostracized for being shameful, cringe, dangerous, gross, grotesque – and embracing that part of yourself. (Notice how common it is for people to feel that they “have” to ostracize a part of themselves in order to avoid being ostracized by others in turn.)
• Most attempts at such confrontation go badly because of inadequate preparation, guidance, encouragement. There’s a good reason why you locked up a part of yourself away!
• The inward journey towards confronting that “monster” requires reliving your worst experiences. This is painful and scary and you have to set aside time and space to do it. You can choose not to do it (most people put it off), but if so, then the confrontation will likely happen someday when most inconvenient, in ways that create a worse mess. I wish that wasn’t true lol but it often is
• Beating yourself up about any of this sustains the status quo. You have to give yourself space to make mistakes and learn from them. Some artists and musicians are absolute masters at this and everyone should listen to them more (Victor Wooten and Kenny Werner are my fav gotos). It can be extremely healing just to inhabit or witness a high-trust space of forgiveness, openess, curiosity
• Foreboding boredom (not talking about pleasant idleness here) is the quiet horror of knowing you have burnt the part of yourself that desires. The problem isn’t that there’s “nothing to do”, the problem is typically that you don’t want to do anything, and additionally you don’t want to admit this to yourself. It’s self-resentment. It may be easier to see if you think of it as the angry silence after a fight between family members. Boredom is the face-saving cover story to avoid admitting anger, sadness, disappointment, etc – all of which can imply weakness, failure.
• You’re unlikely to solve these problems by anxiously ruminating on your problems and what a woeful sinner/failure/loser you are. You have to continually return to what you love, what you think is beautiful and good. There’s a reason couples councillors tend to ask “how did ya’ll fall in love in the first place”. There has to be something worth fighting for, or the fight isn’t worth it.
• There really is a light in the middle of all the darkness. There is peace beyond all the pain. Those who have made the journey know this, and we’re always trying to be a beacon for others like ourselves to know the same. But, of course, they won’t see it until they’re ready to see it. Which is also fine.