(abandoned substack draft)

how to talk to people

most people are doing it pretty badly. god, so badly. it’s so fucking irritating to see how bad people are at talking. and i ought to investigate this. why am I so mad? because it’s so wasteful.

what do I care if people are being wasteful???? much to think about

“Good conversation can leave you more exhilarated than alcohol; more refreshed than the theater or a concert. It can bring you entertainment and pleasure; it can help you get ahead, solve problems, spark the imagination of others. It can increase your knowledge and education. It can erase misunderstandings, and bring you closer to those you love.”
— Dorothy Sarnoff

<before sunrise pic: “i really like talking to you>

all my life i’ve paid v close attention to how people talk. it’s part of why i’m good at tweeting and have lots of followers blah blah. maybe it’s too early for me to say this, maybe people will appreciate it more coming from an old guy, or a dead guy, but: people talk all wrong

Dorothy is right

Why not get good at talking to people? It’s a skill you can develop.

But the question I have to answer in writing this post is, do I want this to be a top-level pitch? I think yes. because people keep saying shit like idk how to talk to people. there are many different guides or philosophies re: how to talk to people, lots of angles, cultural differences, yadda yadda. ok, this is just one perspective. here’s my thing. people are dynamic, not static. whatever approach you are trying at any given moment, might not work. the person might like to talk fast, or slow, might like to be interrupty, or not.

the core thing about conversation is that it’s basically improvisation. you’re passing a ball back and forth. for the most part it’s more important that you keep the conversation interesting, keep it flowing, than you worry about things like technical accuracy or truth. i’m talking here about general social discourse, not… when you’re a co-pilot of a plane trying to tell your senior officer that you think something is wrong. people die over that.

the difficult thing about talking to people, for a lot of people, is that they’re self-conscious. they’re worried about how they come across. so the important thing here is to “fail safe”. which is, notice if things aren’t really working out, and seek a graceful exit. as long as you’re not persistent and pushy – so here I think it’s worth erring on the side of being slightly flighty – most people are quite happy to chat

where will this go…

there’s some amount of “inner work” that will make you a better conversationalist

there’s some amount of practice you can do that I recommend doing. it might seem like a strange amount of work, but interfacing with people is… its a skill point that influences all the other skill points. (plays well with others thread)

art of conversation is something that has been talked about a bunch in a bunch of places. charisma on command youtube channel is a pretty great watch

allude to scenes at the end, maybe… but that’s not a topic for this post

// abandoned