my wife was telling me something interesting about an all-women FB group she was in
women very often want to have sex with men, but end up cancelling because they get creepy vibes, feel threatened or get some other red flag or warning signal that tells them not to go ahead
so many threads in there (I paraphrase) are supposedly like “man I really wanted to bone this dude at my gym but…”, and all the comments are like “girl you dodged a bullet there”, “smh guess it’s solo night again”
my understanding is, if you are
- moderately attractive (for most dudes, 6mos at the gym is enough. worst case ~5yrs)
- hygienic
- non-clingy, non-pushy, non-violent
- respectful, kind, sensitive
- convey you can be trusted
you can have tonnes of sex. and nourishing relationships
So… what’s really happening here? why does the status quo seem so dismal? what is to be made of this
I’ve been trying on the idea that… few dudes really want sex. not really really want it, not good sex. good sex is actually a lot of work. I’m convinced people don’t even really want sex as much as they want to feel sexy/desirable/virile etc etc.
Look at the way Krishna behaves in the pics in this thread. Tender, attentive, respectful, present, sensitive. And he’s not ultra-swole or anything. He’s quite pretty, yeah, true. 6 months at the gym should be enough. Women swoon at dudes w/ Krishna vibes
these quotes from Sex at Dawn are super illuminating and I think about them a lot
(generalizing) women want to feel safe, listened to. they want to feel taken care of. they want to feel sexy, they want to laugh. they want to eat great food, experience fun things, not have to worry about your ego, not have to be your mommy. they want to be able to trust you
“The girl I’m dating, until now has exclusively dated men. It’s so easy to impress her. I show her basic human decency, it blows her mind. […] I give her flowers, she talks about it for months. I ask her about her day, she orgasms on the spot.” – Straight men, step your game up
I think a shortage of women’s stories and perspectives in mainstream media contributes to this overall malaise of misunderstanding.