My wife pointed out to me recently that there are so few spaces for men to gather and talk about their feelings. We could create them at any time if we wanted to. Women aren’t stopping us. But male-only spaces often quickly become overrun by dominance games.

So in practice what lots of guys do, instead of confronting each other about their bullshit (because other men can be cruel, violent and domineering – men know this very well) is try and leech emotional support from women in female spaces.

By leech support I mean like asking female rape victims “what about men”. Instead of asking their male friends. Because they know their male friends will laugh them off, while women have been socialized to not say “fuck off m8” (& also fear male retribution, just as men do).

It’s easier to hate gays than to be Christ-like. It’s easier to mock minorities and SJWs than to go after real institutionalized power. And it’s easier to attack women than to stand up to men. 

Here’s a fantastic example of men supporting men – the ManKind Project, featured in Follow This on Netflix. How rare and precious this is, and how sorely lacking in the world. It’s up to us men to provide this to each other. 

This is real connection, this is honesty & earnestness, vulnerability & openness. It is not weakness. The guy crying is visibly fit and strong, physically. but even if he weren’t, this sort of radical honesty is, in my opinion, the foundation of love and strength. 

If you think lesser of these men for reaching out to each other for support, for being surrogate fathers & brothers to each other, for helping each other safely discharge their anguish + speak openly about their fears… ask yourself why that is, and where you learned to think that. Women aren’t stopping us.

Here are a couple of evergreen quotes from Bill Burr and bell hooks.