I think the solution to the problem of self-regulation will begin with really little things. If you suck at self-regulation, you can’t suddenly change everything, turn everything around all at once overnight. You have to start with small things. So doing these word vomits is a step in the right direction, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Doing my daily/weekly work updates is a step, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I just need to take more such steps, and then the feels will follow in response to the change in volume of output, in volume of shit done. – 0443 – GTD, prioritization, dealing with interruptions and distractions

So I suppose the topic here is self-regulation. That’s what I’m trying to do right now. I’m trying to take control of myself and do things that I say I want to do. I’m used to coming up with a big impressive list of things that don’t really get done- and then coming up with really good, valid excuses for why those things didn’t get done. Now I’m getting good at describing that series of events and ending with an uplifting things-are-gonna-get-better message. That’s all touching and sweet, but what I need to get good next is a lot more succinct- I need to quickly identify what needs doing and then quickly do it. I’ve been sitting around experimenting with meditation and thought experiments and it gives me this nice fuzzy feelings… I haven’t yet reached nirvana. Any moment now. But even that feels like this very longwinded way of trying to confront my problems. – 0253 – blind hope, thought loops and conscious incompetence

From a very young age I was very curious and inquisitive and read loads of books, comics, everything I could get my hands on. At the same time, I never developed much in terms of self-regulation or discipline. My parents didn’t ask me to do any chores– I didn’t have to make my bed, I didn’t have to do the dishes. Their logic was– if they removed all of that from the equation, I would be able to focus entirely on my studies. I think on hindsight that was a bad idea. Children ought to be given lots of structure, a progressive amount of responsibility, a sense that they’re participating in the household, not just being a sort of… absent, vacant member. – 0288 – a letter to JC retainees

And this means that I’ll sometimes not be able to build relationships with some people, because some people need others to be around them, to keep them in their thoughts, to do nice things for them, etc. I sometimes think that I’d like to do things like that, but I can’t keep things in my thoughts. My thoughts go wherever the hell they like. There’s a part of the brain that most people have that regulates these things, and mine is underdeveloped. ADHD is an inability to internally self-regulate. That’s why I think cigarettes were so awesome for me. They felt like some sort of stable pattern/structure/routine that I could contextualise things around. – 0156 – When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit + ADHD