Q: I have a small pet peeve that is perhaps indicative of my INTJ personality type. Whenever I engage in constructive criticism of another person’s actions, it is common for the person to interpret the received criticism as an attack on them. In other words, they equate criticizing what they do with criticizing who they are. I am beginning to believe that INTJ’s simply have a natural capacity toward understanding this distinction. Does this happen to anyone else a lot?

A: The first and most important question: Was the critcism solicited?

If the INTJ mind is as analytical as we praise it to be, consider this:

1: People, being complex social creatures living in complex social heirarchies involving delicate power struggles, will rarely, if ever, take a statement at its face value. This is the reality of the situation, and wishing it were otherwise is irrational.

2: If one desires to give constructive criticism, then, it’s necessary to understand that one has to be sensitive to the receipients’ social and emotional context. How are they going to take our words? Assuming that another person will necessarily appreciate our frame of reference is irrational.

Constructive criticism should always be given in private (anything said or done in public will be perceived, and reasonably so, as an attempt to demonstrate social superiority). We should always make efforts to ensure that the recipient is eager to receive this criticism. And this criticism should always guide them towards how they might be able to do things better.

The INTJ is supposed to be profoundly rational. What do we do when we realize that there is a superior way to channel constructive criticism? Do we modify our approach, or do we give up because it’s “too much effort”? And complain about it to one another, about how other people ought to learn from us, and be more like us?

If it is, then you see how the average person is completely justified in their gut assessment that we’re not truly looking out for their best interests.