2024:
I don’t want to write a substack that has dozens and dozens of posts primarily about my creative struggle. That’s like blogging about blogging, which I always found tedious. But I do think that I have to do some of this meta scaffolding stuff in order to clarify for myself what this project is about. Here I find myself thinking about an anecdote from Sylvester Stallone’s Netflix documentary Sly (2023). He talked about how he was always cast as a thug. And his approach was, rather than try NOT to be cast as a thug, he conceded that he was certainly thug-like, but he’s also nice, also has a soft touch. And it’s that contrast that creates a compellingly textured character. I’d argue that that’s a huge part of what made Rocky such a resounding success. We got to see the heart underneath the tough guy exterior, and we really rooted for him. Similarly, I don’t think I will ever beat the “Visa is always going meta and writing about writing” allegations. And I’m not sure I really want to, because then I would be forcing myself to be someone other than what I am. But I can say, hey, I am always trying to bring it back to earth. I struggle with it, right? And maybe it’s that struggle that will make my work interesting.
2012:
I have a problem- or a challenge, if you will. A situation where the status quo is undesirable, and it is as follows- I can’t write. At least, I don’t write as much as I’d like to. I’d like to write a lot more than I am writing now. How do I accomplish that? (2024: I’d ask, what’s stopping you?)
Sometimes, the first thing that comes to mind is the best choice. This is not one of those times. (This is somehow related with the general idea that you have to learn from what works. You don’t ask a bankrupt for financial advice, you don’t ask the morbidly obese for fitness advice, and you can’t really learn how to write when you’re in a state of mind that is antithetical to writing. At least, I can’t.)
This is not one of those problems that can be solved in a matter of minutes. (Maybe it can be. But I’ve tried many, many times, and frankly I’ve never been able to.) This, to me, is a lifelong challenge of constant tweaking and analysis, variation and selection- evolution. And the first thing to note is the importance of variation- of trying something different. It’s hard to evolve when you keep doing the same things over and over again. So it’s important to keep your mind open and to pay attention to serendipitous discoveries. I believe that’s probably how you overcome depression, too. Stop worrying about overcoming depression, because that’s depressing. Instead, try lots of different things, go with the flow, and try to pin down moments that were surprisingly pleasant or enjoyable. But I’m getting ahead of myself, and I’m going to get shot down by the credibility Nazis.
The options immediately present to you when you are already in an undesirable state are almost all terrible. If you’re not already writing because of the sheer propulsion of something compelling, any idea that comes to you is most probably flawed. Let’s just look at this from the opposite end- how many times have I written a great piece of work that began with me in a sub-par state of mind? Advice, tips and tricks and the sort are all ultimately inconsequential- I write well when I’m in a state of flow, and I write shit when I’m not. And when I’m in a shit mood that’s not generative- when the weight of ideas aren’t pressing down on my mind- nothing’s going to work, no matter how long I try!
Any attempt to write when you’re not in a creative state of mind is a waste of time. I mean, okay, fine- maybe it isn’t. But look at the evidence so far (even if induction is impossible, etc.). Every attempt I’ve made to will myself to write has ended badly, usually with me exploring the weird parts of YouTube at 3am in the morning. On the other hand, the best articles I’ve written (this isn’t going to be one of the best, but it’s going well so far) begin in gushes and torrents.
Activation energy. It’s a concept in chemistry, but I think it’s relevant outside of it, as well. (We can’t break people down into the fundamental sciences- but concepts at those levels make for useful and interesting analogies.)
In chemistry, activation energy is defined as the energy that must be overcome in order for a chemical reaction to occur.
Suppose we want to freeze water into ice. We need the temperature to be at 0 degrees Celsius or lower. It will not freeze if it’s at 0.1 degrees, even if it remains at that temperature for a week, a month or until the end of time. Suppose it costs us energy to maintain the temperature at 0.1 degrees. It feels like we’re doing something, but we’re not making any real progress whatsoever. We’re expending energy unnecessarily. It would be more prudent instead to quickly lower the temperature to, say, -5 degrees. It costs far less energy overall, too. That’s the difference between efficiency and effectiveness- efficient people learn to be really good at doing things that may not actually get them to where they want to go. Effective people don’t bother with that- they go for the kill.
The same thing applies to writing. I can’t write when I’m at 0.1 degrees, and there’s no sense in me staying up all night hoping that something different will happen, a sudden variation from all the outcome of all other nights that I stay up.
So the question is- how do I get myself past the activation energy that is required for me to get into the state that I desire? Anthony Robbins would suggest incantations, to literally psyche yourself up- not just by thinking positive thoughts, but by throwing your entire body into it- by screaming and yelling from the core of your existence. I’m pretty sure it works. I’ve tried it a couple of times. I haven’t gotten around to making it a habit yet. But it does work.
But my challenge is a little more specific- how do I do something that works for me, that isn’t something different, unusual or out of the blue? How do I reach a more equitable outcome by re-arranging what I already have, instead of seeking out new things? Because we all know how seeking out new things can turn into a soul-sucking pursuit of its own. That doesn’t work for me. So I started by simply doing other things that I already have a habit of doing. (2024: this seems like sloppy thinking. Novelty-seeking can fail, but it doesn’t always. On the other hand, doing what you’ve already been doing pretty much never works, right? So shouldn’t you instead figure out how to be better skilled at novelty-seeking?)
For me to write something, I need to have a vague vision of what it is to look like. Not a complete, clear vision- but at least a rough idea. The more grand the idea, the more specific it might have to be- because otherwise it’s rather intimidating. I’ve been meaning to write about Self-Schooling, which is just me taking what I’ve been doing serendipitously over the past year or so, and making it conscious and deliberate. I can give you a whole bunch of excuses for why I haven’t written it- but the truth is that I’m scared, and that the activation energy for such a post is much higher than anything else I’ve written lately. I need to be in a great state of mind to tackle that.
How do I get there? The answer came to me while I was pursuing an alternate path-with-no-end: reading. Yes, reading. That’s all there is to it. Reading stimulates my mind. Give me a couple of hours with a good book and my mind gets set absolutely on fire, which puts me in prime writing condition. The same thing happens when I have good engaging conversation with friends. I feel a need to synthesize what I’ve learnt with what I already know, to witness the interplay of thoughts and ideas. It’s not about me anymore. I am fallible, weak and human- ideas are not. Once the ideas become the central focus, I’m allowed to breathe- and so do the ideas. It’s a win-win situation.
So here’s a little experiment I’m going to do- every time I feel like I need to be writing, I’m going to start by reading a book for an hour, at least. I was reading right before this, and this is what happened. This way, I can create a self-perpetuating system- my reading stimulates my writing, my desire to write stimulates my reading. I’m so excited. Let’s see how it goes.
I have intentionally been writing this with little to no editing, so you get a sense of what my mind sounds like when I’m not paying attention. I want this to be authentic, not simplistic and artificial like all the other How-To guides out there on the internet. It makes far more sense to generate large amounts of raw material (like this) and edit it later, than to try and create something polished from scratch. Statues are carved out of larger blocks of marble. We generate and then we chisel away.
This entire train of thought is incredibly subjective and personal. It will definitely not apply to everybody. Your experiences may vary. I imagine, though, that quite a lot of you might relate to my situation. Please, do share!
TL:DR;
Fuck all the stupid advice you see on the internet about how to do things.
Nobody thinks about things like that when they’re actually trying to do things.
The tips and tricks and stuff are entertaining to read, and maybe they’ll make a slight difference- but it’s stupid to think it’s your path to glory.
The most important thing is your state of mind. (Which, you know, actually deteriorates whenever you read stupid shit.)
1: Figure out what puts you in a receptive state.
2: Do more of it.
3: Win.
creative struggles
2024:
I don’t want to write a substack that has dozens and dozens of posts primarily about my creative struggle. That’s like blogging about blogging, which I always found tedious. But I do think that I have to do some of this meta scaffolding stuff in order to clarify for myself what this project is about. Here I find myself thinking about an anecdote from Sylvester Stallone’s Netflix documentary Sly (2023). He talked about how he was always cast as a thug. And his approach was, rather than try NOT to be cast as a thug, he conceded that he was certainly thug-like, but he’s also nice, also has a soft touch. And it’s that contrast that creates a compellingly textured character. I’d argue that that’s a huge part of what made Rocky such a resounding success. We got to see the heart underneath the tough guy exterior, and we really rooted for him. Similarly, I don’t think I will ever beat the “Visa is always going meta and writing about writing” allegations. And I’m not sure I really want to, because then I would be forcing myself to be someone other than what I am. But I can say, hey, I am always trying to bring it back to earth. I struggle with it, right? And maybe it’s that struggle that will make my work interesting.
2012:
I have a problem- or a challenge, if you will. A situation where the status quo is undesirable, and it is as follows- I can’t write. At least, I don’t write as much as I’d like to. I’d like to write a lot more than I am writing now. How do I accomplish that? (2024: I’d ask, what’s stopping you?)
Sometimes, the first thing that comes to mind is the best choice. This is not one of those times. (This is somehow related with the general idea that you have to learn from what works. You don’t ask a bankrupt for financial advice, you don’t ask the morbidly obese for fitness advice, and you can’t really learn how to write when you’re in a state of mind that is antithetical to writing. At least, I can’t.)
This is not one of those problems that can be solved in a matter of minutes. (Maybe it can be. But I’ve tried many, many times, and frankly I’ve never been able to.) This, to me, is a lifelong challenge of constant tweaking and analysis, variation and selection- evolution. And the first thing to note is the importance of variation- of trying something different. It’s hard to evolve when you keep doing the same things over and over again. So it’s important to keep your mind open and to pay attention to serendipitous discoveries. I believe that’s probably how you overcome depression, too. Stop worrying about overcoming depression, because that’s depressing. Instead, try lots of different things, go with the flow, and try to pin down moments that were surprisingly pleasant or enjoyable. But I’m getting ahead of myself, and I’m going to get shot down by the credibility Nazis.
The options immediately present to you when you are already in an undesirable state are almost all terrible. If you’re not already writing because of the sheer propulsion of something compelling, any idea that comes to you is most probably flawed. Let’s just look at this from the opposite end- how many times have I written a great piece of work that began with me in a sub-par state of mind? Advice, tips and tricks and the sort are all ultimately inconsequential- I write well when I’m in a state of flow, and I write shit when I’m not. And when I’m in a shit mood that’s not generative- when the weight of ideas aren’t pressing down on my mind- nothing’s going to work, no matter how long I try!
Any attempt to write when you’re not in a creative state of mind is a waste of time. I mean, okay, fine- maybe it isn’t. But look at the evidence so far (even if induction is impossible, etc.). Every attempt I’ve made to will myself to write has ended badly, usually with me exploring the weird parts of YouTube at 3am in the morning. On the other hand, the best articles I’ve written (this isn’t going to be one of the best, but it’s going well so far) begin in gushes and torrents.
Activation energy. It’s a concept in chemistry, but I think it’s relevant outside of it, as well. (We can’t break people down into the fundamental sciences- but concepts at those levels make for useful and interesting analogies.)
Suppose we want to freeze water into ice. We need the temperature to be at 0 degrees Celsius or lower. It will not freeze if it’s at 0.1 degrees, even if it remains at that temperature for a week, a month or until the end of time. Suppose it costs us energy to maintain the temperature at 0.1 degrees. It feels like we’re doing something, but we’re not making any real progress whatsoever. We’re expending energy unnecessarily. It would be more prudent instead to quickly lower the temperature to, say, -5 degrees. It costs far less energy overall, too. That’s the difference between efficiency and effectiveness- efficient people learn to be really good at doing things that may not actually get them to where they want to go. Effective people don’t bother with that- they go for the kill.
The same thing applies to writing. I can’t write when I’m at 0.1 degrees, and there’s no sense in me staying up all night hoping that something different will happen, a sudden variation from all the outcome of all other nights that I stay up.
So the question is- how do I get myself past the activation energy that is required for me to get into the state that I desire? Anthony Robbins would suggest incantations, to literally psyche yourself up- not just by thinking positive thoughts, but by throwing your entire body into it- by screaming and yelling from the core of your existence. I’m pretty sure it works. I’ve tried it a couple of times. I haven’t gotten around to making it a habit yet. But it does work.
But my challenge is a little more specific- how do I do something that works for me, that isn’t something different, unusual or out of the blue? How do I reach a more equitable outcome by re-arranging what I already have, instead of seeking out new things? Because we all know how seeking out new things can turn into a soul-sucking pursuit of its own. That doesn’t work for me. So I started by simply doing other things that I already have a habit of doing. (2024: this seems like sloppy thinking. Novelty-seeking can fail, but it doesn’t always. On the other hand, doing what you’ve already been doing pretty much never works, right? So shouldn’t you instead figure out how to be better skilled at novelty-seeking?)
For me to write something, I need to have a vague vision of what it is to look like. Not a complete, clear vision- but at least a rough idea. The more grand the idea, the more specific it might have to be- because otherwise it’s rather intimidating. I’ve been meaning to write about Self-Schooling, which is just me taking what I’ve been doing serendipitously over the past year or so, and making it conscious and deliberate. I can give you a whole bunch of excuses for why I haven’t written it- but the truth is that I’m scared, and that the activation energy for such a post is much higher than anything else I’ve written lately. I need to be in a great state of mind to tackle that.
How do I get there? The answer came to me while I was pursuing an alternate path-with-no-end: reading. Yes, reading. That’s all there is to it. Reading stimulates my mind. Give me a couple of hours with a good book and my mind gets set absolutely on fire, which puts me in prime writing condition. The same thing happens when I have good engaging conversation with friends. I feel a need to synthesize what I’ve learnt with what I already know, to witness the interplay of thoughts and ideas. It’s not about me anymore. I am fallible, weak and human- ideas are not. Once the ideas become the central focus, I’m allowed to breathe- and so do the ideas. It’s a win-win situation.
So here’s a little experiment I’m going to do- every time I feel like I need to be writing, I’m going to start by reading a book for an hour, at least. I was reading right before this, and this is what happened. This way, I can create a self-perpetuating system- my reading stimulates my writing, my desire to write stimulates my reading. I’m so excited. Let’s see how it goes.
I have intentionally been writing this with little to no editing, so you get a sense of what my mind sounds like when I’m not paying attention. I want this to be authentic, not simplistic and artificial like all the other How-To guides out there on the internet. It makes far more sense to generate large amounts of raw material (like this) and edit it later, than to try and create something polished from scratch. Statues are carved out of larger blocks of marble. We generate and then we chisel away.
This entire train of thought is incredibly subjective and personal. It will definitely not apply to everybody. Your experiences may vary. I imagine, though, that quite a lot of you might relate to my situation. Please, do share!
TL:DR;
Fuck all the stupid advice you see on the internet about how to do things.
Nobody thinks about things like that when they’re actually trying to do things.
The tips and tricks and stuff are entertaining to read, and maybe they’ll make a slight difference- but it’s stupid to think it’s your path to glory.
The most important thing is your state of mind. (Which, you know, actually deteriorates whenever you read stupid shit.)
1: Figure out what puts you in a receptive state.
2: Do more of it.
3: Win.