I’m always a little suspicious of the “do whatever works” argument, because sometimes what works only works within a very specific context and if you get dependent on it and circumstances change, you’re in for a world of pain- I think it’s important to error-test your coping mechanism. For example- if you’re happy because of your talents and achievements, what happens if suddenly you can’t perform anymore?

I guess it gets really messy when we have people who are neck-deep in shit and they remain silent and stoic, and there are people who moan and groan when it’s only wetting their ankles… so it often feels like the playing field is really unfair, like the people who get the attention aren’t necessarily the ones who deserve it the most.

Some of us may have our opinions coloured by people in great pain who were afraid or embarrassed to seek help , and others have witnessed exploiting it to gain attention and sympathy. Both circumstances seem unjust, unfair, a badly designed situation.

The only way I can see that sort of mess clearing up is better fundamentals- meaning more sincere, honest conversations with ourselves, and each other, and more discussion about how we feel about things, and why we think we feel the way we do.

It definitely is really hard to positively impact someone going through depression, but I think we all got to try. There’s no therapy better than great relationships with good people, good music and art. We got to show that we care and have faith that it’ll get through to them eventually.

That said, nobody’s a one-stop reformation center (or something like that), which is also true… dealing with someone who refuses to be impacted positively is incredibly frustrating, and even toxic or damaging.

How much can we detach ourselves, to learn to love the person and not take their actions and words personally? It’s a life-long process.

✱

Nov 2016

posted the following on a friend’s wall, as a response to “how do extroverts deal with depression?”

I’m pretty sure I’m an extrovert. I can think of two particular periods when I was depressed- 2007 and 2014/2015.

In the first, I had a series of bad events: broke up with girlfriend, did poorly in school, my band started disintegrating, I felt like my parents and family were disappointed with me and I just generally felt useless.

I remember going to a local music festival – and loads of acquaintances said “Hey Visa!” – a band I liked even gave me a call out onstage for writing a review about them – but I felt utterly, utterly hollow about it all. I remember smiling at a friend and thinking, “if I died tonight, you’d be sad for a day, maybe a week, maybe on the anniversaries, but you’ll say and feel what you need to and go on with your life. I’m just a background NPC.”

I never cared for suicide though; it always seemed like a copout to me. Too small, not creative, would be forgotten. (“The red washing down the bathtub doesn’t change the color of the ocean”, etc.) I don’t think I had any particular coping mechanisms. I smoked a lot. I spent many hours online late at night, and I can’t remember what I did. Probably post on forums and such.

2014- I had been married, working and a mortgage-paying home owner for 2 years. Life just seemed utterly relentless and it felt like I had no way out. It felt like happiness only came in the smallest of bubbles amidst a vast sea of meaningless struggle. Again I mostly turned to cigarettes, sad music, writing introspective thoughts. I’d often PM lots and lots of friends and ask them how they’re doing, and the conversations we’d have would help me heal.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m actually an introvert who happens to be exhibitionist and attention-seeking. Though it’s probably likelier that I’m an extrovert with some peopling skill deficiencies