The following is a summary of the first 30 weeks of my 90 Week Project.
Week 1:
Philosophical introspection during gym workout.
Perfectionism as excuse: I will dare to fail along the way.
Binging & Moderation: The law of marginal diminishing utility- consider desensitization. All should be done in moderation. (The Middle Way?)
Introspective spring cleaning: Everything feels messy and disorganized inside the head. Need to tidy up. Been putting it off, waiting for all the lights to turn green. Need to build up slowly rather than try to do all at once.
I want to simplify my thoughts, ideas and processes- give them clarity and focus. This is not easy to do. I want to shift my operating mode from extensive- which is my natural state- to intensive, which I believe I am thoroughly capable of, but not as habitually acquainted with. The first week wasn’t anything to be proud of- if anything, it was a sobering reminder of how easy it is to slip up and fall back into the same old patterns and routines when you’re not paying enough attention.
Week 2.
Felt unsatisfied. Did not work out. Met friends. Read little. Practiced guitar little. Did not keep track thoroughly.
Plus side: Spent less money than usual. Did not blog enough. Fell into old patterns for a bit. I don’t want to be TOO hard on myself though. I need to find that balance that will keep me from slipping behind, yet push me forward at the same time.
Week 3.
has been good. Went boxing twice, felt like car accident. A little bit less sensitive and angry at others. It still bothers me how ignorant I used to be, but I have to consciously stop myself from overcompensating by going to the other extreme. I’ll play it by ear, one step at a time. I went to the zoo with my friends, which was a pleasant experience! I’m going jamming later with some other friends.
Week 4.
feel empowered this week. I lost a little bit of weight from not eating enough, and also perhaps from the intensity of the circuit training at boxing last week. I hit the gym on Monday, and went boxing on Tuesday. I spent time with my girlfriend on Wednesday, and hung out with a friend on Thursday. I am going to catch Baybeats later today (it’s a free music festival at the Esplanade! I did a bit more reading than I usually do, but I didn’t play as much guitar as I would have had liked to. Haven’t spent much money at all!
Week 5.
It feels weird to do this post because I’m doing it when it’s already Week 6- so I’m sort of looking back with a distanced sort of perspective. This week was eventful. I went to the hospital with my family to visit my sister who just gave birth to another baby boy. This week was kind of a bummer because I didn’t really do all that much. It wasn’t bad, but it was kinda mediocre with regards to how I handled it. I’m not satisfied because I have much higher standards of myself now. There’s no turning back. I must not sleep late any more.
Week 6.
I ought to focus more on the little things.
Week 7.
Fitness doing great. Look and feel good, strong and fit. Amazed by my own commitment to my workouts, especially when feeling lethargic.
I haven’t been keeping track of my finances very religiously, but I also know that I haven’t been spending much money at all. I keep indulgences to an absolute bare minimum. Still smoking, but not as much, and cravings aren’t as strong as before. Decided to write about The Smile Experiment. Feel like days pass by without enough focus. Need more focus. Need to track better.
Week 8.
Solid workout. Average life. I fell sick, had an interesting game of poker, put together a little birthday celebration for my girlfriend and spent the rest of the time recovering from a throat infection.
Nothing special, but nothing too bad either. Not much to say. It’s been an alright week. Need to step up my game.
Week 9.
Average week.
I was still recovering from my throat infection on Monday and Tuesday.
Hit the gym twice, both decent-to-good sessions.
Spent quality time with family and with the girlfriend. Importance of investing in relationships.
Made some money on poker, but disappointed because of bad plays on my part.
Went jamming with my friends, felt like it was fairly productive.
Met a couple of friends. Felt a little bit like a waste of time, but it was a pleasant waste of time.
Spent a bit more money than I would’ve liked to have had, but not all that much actually.
Need to write more, do more, keep moving forward.
I think i’m reaching a point where I’ve started to stagnate after pushing my equilibrium point further- and now I need to push myself harder before, to keep moving forward.
Less talk, more action!
Week 10.
CHECKPOINT REACHED!
It’s really quite arbitrary, but I find that giving myself these checkpoints allows me to progress better- so the ends justify the means?
My last gym session was unusual. I felt more tired and weak than I usually do because of lack of sleep and water, yet I did hit the weights quite hard anyway and am still sore two days later, which is somewhat unprecedented.
Poker night was great, happy with myself. I would be very happy to consistently play like that every time. We’ll see how it goes. It’s still far too early to generalize.
Spent time with the family again.
Didn’t spend enough alone time with the girlfriend this week. Mental note to do so more next week.
I’m really, really happy with how much my body looks and feels after 10 weeks of working out. I’m happy with how I think, and generally with how I act- though there is still plenty of room for improvement.
My main goal in the next 10 weeks is to sustain/improve my fitness, improve my routines, and most importantly, to inculcate and maintain a constant sense of urgency of sorts. More on this later. Goodnight!
Week 11.
Week 11 has been good, and reasonably pleasant. I had fun playing music, made money playing poker, spent some quality time with my girlfriend and my friends, had a good week in terms of fitness… everything is going according to plan. Time to step up my game.
Week 12.
This hasn’t been the best of weeks, but on hindsight it wasn’t all that bad either- better than the week when I was sick, at least!
I hit the gym once, and decided that I needed an extended rest to recover from accumulated fatigue- so I haven’t worked out all week. I feel like I’ve lost a little bit of muscle mass, but I think the strength gains I’ll get from the recovery period will help me build more in double-time.
I had a bad poker game. You win some and you learn some.
My personal life has been a little bit more hectic and harrowing than usual.
Work has been negligible, thankfully- and I imagine it’s going to be the same this week.
I had a great jam with my weekly jam-buddies.
I’ve been reading more, I think!
I got some things done, but not enough.
Need to scale up the intensity of my scrutiny.
Week 13
This has been the worst week so far. Seriously. It has been emotionally and psychologically very draining for me. I have had a lot to deal with. I have been physically exhausted- the haze has taken a toll on my health, giving me a bad cough and irritated eyes. Some of the people I care the most about have been going through very difficult times, and I’m finding it impossible to help or take care of all of them even as I’m physically falling apart. I’ve been sleeping far too little, drinking far too little water, and I feel like a zombie.My consciousness is diminished- I find myself spending money more freely than I’d like to, smoking too much, and then beating myself up over it more than necessary. It has been so difficult. I feel physically weakened- my fitness level, which has been a source of pride and confidence for me these past few weeks, has been diminishing, and I feel skinnier. I feel simultaneously crushed and overstretched, like I’m spread too thin and yet spending too much time in my own head.
I need to breathe, to relax, to take things easy, at the same time, I’m supposed to pay attention to things and not allow my discipline and self-awareness to slip. I feel like a mess of contradictions- I know I’m a mess of contradictions, I know we all are, and we all have to navigate these difficult dichotomies and that’s what it means to be human… I suppose I just really need to vent, to scream, to damage and destroy something- yet at the same time, I don’t have any energy to do any of that.
If anything, I find comfort in the knowledge that I am not going to give up. I don’t give up. Giving up and giving in is not in my vocabulary. This is different. I know what must be done, I know what cannot be done- and if I stray from the general path that I have defined for myself, well, it hurts- physically- and I’m forced to get back right on to it.
I’m not making a lot of sense right now. But I will. I know it. And I will show it. Watch me. I will remember to philosophize under duress, I will learn to find happiness and joy and a sense of awe at the beauty of human existence- even in my most miserable moments.
Week 14
Recovery/Break. This week was spent mostly recovering from the general malaise of the previous week. It wasn’t exactly a break, but I’m good and ready to get right back into this.
Week 15
A substantial milestone, we’re 1/6th of the way through since we’ve started. Not at a particularly high point at the moment, but significantly higher than when I started. Things are at a bit of a lull. Someone I care deeply about has being going through some very difficult times, and this has been taking quite a toll on me as well- or at least, that’s the excuse I’ve been giving myself this week for being semi-unproductive.
Interestingly, I’ve been meeting people every single day this week. I feel like I haven’t been setting aside enough time for myself- for my fitness, and to blog, read, write and to indulge in other introspective pursuits. I’ve been smoking, drinking and spending more money than I’d normally allow myself to- I don’t want to be too hard on myself, yet I don’t want to lose the road.
I will make it, though! Hanging in there.
Week 16
This week was kind of blah. I’ve been sleeping very late. I’ve been having mild bouts of melancholy, but they aren’t even a tenth of the traumatic and depressing things that they used to be- I’m quite proud to say that I have substantially improved my ability to manage my own feelings, fairly effectively. This cheered me up quite a bit. I haven’t been drinking enough water, though, and I’ve still been smoking a little bit too much.
I got to play a gig with my band! I really, really needed that. It felt really good! I missed that.
I really, really need to improve my sleeping habits if I want to get more productive.
The drama that has been dominating my personally life for the past two weeks has finally subsided, and I think I’m ready to get back on track, full steam ahead!
Week 17
This was (generally speaking) the recovery week for me. I’ve been working on my sleeping habits, smoking less. I went for a run, which felt great. Physically I feel like I’ve made progress towards getting back to my peak condition. I feel primed and ready again, which I haven’t felt in weeks. I had a good jam with the band and it feels like we’re making progress in that, too. I did make a blunder with the last blog post- but I’m not going to beat myself up too much over that, because it is clear where I went wrong, and I’m going to focus my energy instead on doing my best to avoid making that same mistake again.
This week will be good! I hope that by Week 20 I’m starting to make substantial improvements again. It still does feel like I hit a plateau after 10-12 weeks. I think it’s mostly a matter of sleep, water, fitness and clarity of mind.
Week 18
A generally uneventful week, which is a welcome change. My personal life has been hectic and dramatic. I feel like I can finally, really get back on track on things now.
Some slight changes here and there. I’m going to be focusing a lot more on managing my resources more effectively, and tune out everything else a bit.
Week 19
I followed my brother to work, I met my friends practically every day. I went for a 3.5km run. I played a gig with Gloria that didn’t turn out too well, but that was okay. Felt lethargic and tired. Didn’t blog at all. Had duty in camp until late, which was a peaceful, solitary experience. Lerping came back from Australia, and I met the whole group. Spent a late night at Damien’s place the next day, then went to Chomp Chomp the day after to celebrate Lerping’s birthday.
Week 20
Big milestone week! I hit the gym. Mantaining at least one workout a week- which is enough to sort of stay where I am in terms of fitness, but not making any progress. This week was all about my brother’s wedding- preparations, ceremony, reception. Found time to play a gig with Gloria in between, which was fun. Fell sick from poor eating/drinking/sleeping habits again- something I really need to cut out.
Week 21
Well, time for a bit of reflection, I should think!
I’m really happy- in fact, generally speaking, I’ve never been happier. Of course, I’ve had happy moments- getting back together with my girlfriend, playing really good live shows- but I think it’s also worth thinking about happiness in general, as a sort of state of mind. I think happiness is largely self-derived- you give it to yourself, and it’s entirely possible to be happier just by learning to think and see things differently.
I’ve decided to discontinue the regular workout and poker posts- I find that they’re kind of redundant, unnecessary, and even altogether counter-productive. This is because they are manifestations of a very conditional kind of mindset- by conditional I mean that I evaluate my self-worth based on things like how good my workouts are, or how much money I make in my poker games, and these arbitrary measurements keep me constantly anxious, and from performing at my best. I will continue to keep track of my workouts and poker games at my own time and pace in my written journals.
So I’m largely happier because I’m a lot less anxious about things. I’ve learnt not to sweat the small stuff, to worry less about superficial, silly things like winning verbal (and online) arguments.
It feels really good. If this general state of happiness is the only thing that comes out of all this thinking and writing, it be completely worth it. But what’s exciting is that I know this is just the beginning. This mindset is going to allow me to accomplish a lot more than I ever have been able to- I know it.
What else can I talk about? I’m fitter, happier, more productive- and mostly because I no longer obsess about those things. I think that’s so elegant, and applies to a lot of accomplishments in a lot of fields. If you want to do well in your studies, for example, I think the best strategy is to care less about your grades and more about finding pleasure in learning things. I’m repeating myself, I know.
I think this particular blog post has run its course, it’s past its sweet spot and I’ve forgotten some of what I was going to say here. But that’s okay. I have a lot more to say on other things!
Week 23
Week 23 is a transitional week of sorts. I’ve been having fun and relaxing, spending time with family, friends and the girlfriend. I did go for a run, and I did hit the gym. I allowed myself to spend a bit more money than I usually do, in the name of festive cheer and goodwill. All in all it’s been a good week.
I want to address that last statement for a second- “it’s been a good week”. There are, of course, no such thing as good weeks- only a week that I believe I have handled rather well. I made this a good week for me, for the most part, somewhat. There aren’t really such things.
I hit the gym with about 70% of my maximum possible intensity (so far), and I’m now really sore- but I feel good, I feel like I’m sort of getting back on track a little. I went for a run that wasn’t as perfect as I wanted it to be, but it was good that I went to begin with, and I feel like I’m getting warmed up.
I think it’s cute/funny how people either embrace new years or deny them. You can pretend that it’s a big deal or pretend it’s no deal at all- but in reality it’s a bit of both. Well, in absolute reality, in the context of the universe, it doesn’t make any difference or sense whatsoever- but in the context of men, it most certainly does- so one ought to acknowledge it. It’s a minor opportunity to use something nonsensical and arbitrary to your advantage, and you ought to seize it. It’s a superficial change, that number on your calendar or mobile phone- but one that shakes you because you’ve grown so accustomed to 2010.
2011 won’t be good for you. But you’ll make 2011 good. Because you can. You can make every single day good, too, and you should. (Times like this I really feel that language is really limited, and that I need to deliberate on it to find a more clear way of expressing myself. So much of philosophical problems and arguments are simply misunderstandings caused by language.)
Back to me. What am I doing?
* I’m going to run a half-marathon in May, and I’ve started training for it.
* I’ve started de-cluttering my life and I’m selling a lot of my stuff away.
* I have financial goals which I intend to meet by resuming my daily expenditure tracking.
* I’m becoming a better musician, artist and writer- or at least, I’m trying to be, and making a much more concerted effort than ever before
That’s enough for this sort of simplified summary post! Keep fighting!
Week 24
Wow, 6 more weeks and I’ll be done with a third of this movement!
I want to keep this clear and succinct, and focus on what I’ve learnt so far, and what I’m implementing.
The Sleep And Water Rule.
This is the absolute most basic rule every human being ought to bear in mind. Curiously, a lot of people tend to overlook this. It’s like driving with a dirty windscreen. Dehydration and lack of sleep can cut down the most potent warriors. Simple tasks become difficult. The mind and body both struggle to function altogether. Being sleep-deprived could be a little bit like being perpetually drunk, only worse- because it isn’t even fun.
Sleep, and drink water- above all else.
Measurement = Management.
I’ve repeated myself about this a few times- the repetition helps me get down to it better each time- if you keep track of things, you’ll find yourself naturally starting to manage them better. I experimented with this for my finances for a while, for my fitness and smoking, and I found myself spending less, becoming more fit and smoking less. I discontinued the habit for a while, but I’m picking it right back up and it feels damn good to be back on track again. Really, really good. Relevant information is knowledge, and knowledge is power.
My finances are the main focus here, followed by my fitness, and my smoking. The priorities haven’t changed at all.
Being Physically Fit = Awesome
There’s really nothing else like it. It’s very simplistic and primal but powerful and empowering. I was quickly seeing huge fitness gains about 10-15 weeks ago with the simple formula of “Hit The Gym Every 3 Days”. It was incredibly easy, and it felt really, really good and fulfilling- every workout was amazing, and the progress I felt- when I looked at myself in the mirror after a shower, when I put on a t-shirt and it felt tighter, when I find doors and bags miraculously feeling lighter, when I felt lighter on my feet and more in control of everything I did. I discontinued my Every-Third-Day mantra to try and accommodate other things, but it quickly fell apart because I wasn’t disciplined enough- routines very obviously trumps improvisation at an early stage of a workout regime. Still, again- I’m picking up the fitness bug again, and I’ve very quickly re-gained what I might’ve lost over the past few weeks- I’m rapidly approaching peak fitness again, and it’s incredible.
The Challenge Paradigm
I’ve spoken on several times about what I’ve learnt from poker and from video games and other things- and I’m repeating myself here, but only because I’m trying to phrase it more effectively each time- and I’ve distilled from all that the simple idea of challenging myself. (It always seems ridiculously, deceptively and even insultingly simple at the end- but you can never quite appreciate it until you’ve been through it yourself.) So what I’m doing- and this is what I’m saying is going to make this blog a lot more interesting- is framing my goals, ambitions and problems into challenges that can be completed. Because you get to witness me doing stuff, in real-time. It’ll be like reality TV. But awesome.
I’m going to start posting specific challenges as blog posts, and you guys can help me along the way! Wait for it!
Week 26
This has been a pretty silly and unproductive week so far. I’ve been sleeping poorly, and am paying for it with what feels like a throat infection. But otherwise, it’s been fun, and it’s been a decent break of sorts, and sometimes we all need that, yeah? Back to work this week.
Week 27
This week was alright, I guess. Not much to say about it! Didn’t do much. = Hung out with friends. Had a pleasant time. Got some reading done. I guess the most interesting thing is that I’ve been writing a lot more. Oh, and getting the laptop. And stuff like that. I feel like I’m about to experience a substantial burst in productivity. But I might be too optimistic. We’ll see.
Week 28
My eldest brother got married this week, so that’s pretty much what I’ve been spending most if not all my time on! I had a kickass gym workout on monday, I re-strung my guitar, wrote the Labels blog entry, completed Mass Effect 2 (beautiful, beautiful game!) and generally had quite a bit of fun. It was pretty much a good week, though I was a little liberal with my spending and other stuff like that. But that’s okay, it’s been a happy week!’
Week 29
Wow, we’re almost hitting the 1/3 mark!
The most important insight I’ve derived from this is that progress takes time. It seems obvious, but it isn’t, really. I’ve been serendipitously laying the foundation for this for most of my life- (well, if you’re talking about doing something serendipitously then you can’t really quantify it) and I’ve been semi-conscientiously working towards it for about 30 weeks. If I may be brutally honest with myself, most of my time, energy and resources have been utilized sub-optimally even during this period of “intense focus”. My intense focus has neither been particularly intense nor focused.
Yet, even with all those setbacks and inefficiencies, I have been making progress. I’m fitter than I’ve ever been. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’ve been, holistically speaking, making better decisions than I ever have (though I still make bad decisions all the time, I make them less often.) My finances are working out quite okay. I’ve made substantial growth in terms of personal motivation, perspective, goal-setting and desire.
If I could re-name this blog I would call it Clawing Out Of Mediocrity. I think that’s the most interesting thing about this blog, that’s it’s selling point. I’m not a life coach or guru telling you that I’ve got it all figured out and that you should follow my 7 step program to find fulfilment and nirvana. I don’t have an “after” picture for you to want to work towards. I am, just as you probably are, ineffective, inefficient, human. I’m not that good at anything- I’m a better-than-average writer, maybe, but not good enough that it counts for much- and I don’t deserve any sort of accolades.
So why should you be reading this blog? Because I’m one of you. I’m Mr. Mediocre, and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of underperforming, I’m tired of feeling like there’s not much going for me, that life is boring, mundane and unfulfilling. And yet, perhaps most important of all, I have not accomplished what I want to accomplish.
You should stay with me because I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t even know if this will ultimately count for anything- although I will admit that I believe strongly that it will. I think so because I feel like I’m making progress- a phrase that I’ve been throwing out incessantly, I admit, but because I feel its true.
I think it’s very poignant to note that I’ve spent almost 30 weeks working towards something and yet the results still aren’t powerfully, concretely obvious. That’s, to repeat myself, the most important thing I’ve learnt. Success doesn’t come overnight, or even over a week, or a month, or a year. It takes a lot longer than that. And I don’t think it takes superhuman dedication and force of will, I think it simply takes consistent, measured effort.
Things are going to get interesting, I’m not totally sure how soon or how much but I just really, really have a good feeling about all this.
The next stage.
Successful people have productive routines. It’s painfully obvious that if you want to be successful, you’re going to have to have productive routines too. I used to shy away from any kind of conscious routine-forming, unfairly associating it with rigidity and regimentation. But humans are creatures of habit, and in the absence of productive routines we will fall prey to unproductive ones- AKA story of my adolescence.
The first stage of my 90 week experiment- weeks 1 to 30- focused on documentation.
The second stage of my experiment- weeks 30 to 60- will be focused on conscientious adaptation.
Week 30
See Week 29.