2014 summary: Used to be a minimum-effort student who was proud of how little effort I needed to get by. Now wish I had learnt to work hard instead.
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I got full marks for pretty much everything before I got into the GEP, and I spent the first 20 years of my life with absolutely no sense of the value of hard work. I went to my exams and got by without studying, I played in a band that got by without practicing, I somehow managed to sustained a relationship and multiple friendships without any real conscious effort. I didn’t study for my O levels- I spent the time leading up to my O’s watching Friends. (On retrospect, I think spent the time leading up to my PSLEs playing basketball!) I retained a year in JC- (I wonder how many GEP students went on to retain in JC?). Throughout my entire JC life I only submitted about 5 to 10% of my tutorials, half of which were copied. I used to be proud of that. Really.
In a sense, then, I’ve been mediocre all this while because I never really saw a reason to be anything more, when I already received all the validation that I wanted without any effort. Even when I did below-average in JC, simply hearing my teachers go “you’re so smart, you’re able to grasp ideas and concepts before anyone else, if you only-” was good enough for me. “I’m awesome,” I thought. “I don’t need to jump through anybody’s hoops to feel good about myself.”
I often couldn’t be bothered to do anything because I’d always felt like I’d transcended the need to. I honestly didn’t feel like I needed a prestigious education or qualifications to validate my existence. I knew that I had worth, and immense unrealised potential, and that was good enough for me. I was and still am cerebrally quicker than most people I know- not the absolute quickest, but good enough to get me by. I’m expressive with my words, I can communicate my thoughts and ideas fairly effectively, I’m comfortable in all sorts of environments- especially new ones, where everyone starts from scratch. I have a fertile, flexible and agile mind. That is the source of my confidence. I am unfazed by mistakes and failures. From one perspective I could be described as stubbornly arrogant, but from another you could say that I’m a big picture kind of person, and my picture’s a lot bigger than most people’s.
I don’t believe or care for the idea of natural genius or talent. If it exists, it does, but it’s rare and unlikely and shouldn’t affect most of us. If you asked me ten years ago, “Visa, why are you so smart?” I’d shrug and smile and say, “I don’t know.” If you ask me now, I’d say “Me, smart? I don’t really think so! Perhaps I’m just more well-read, and spend more time and energy thinking in general. I’ve had lots of practice, that’s all. You would be just as “smart” if not “smarter” if you made a conscious and sustained effort, I’m sure!” And I would be completely sincere about it.
My mind is always wandering- and I think it might even have been inevitable that it eventually turned on itself, perhaps out of pure intellectual curiosity, but more likely as a response to a growing accumulation of ideas and knowledge- about self-knowledge, success, self-worth, discipline, self-deceit, philosophy and other fun stuff. I had to turn my criticism on myself eventually. What followed wasn’t very pretty, but it was empowering. What I ultimately distilled from it was something simple, but true- potential counts for nothing, and accomplishment counts for (almost) everything. The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is often simply that successful people Do things, and get things Done. On hindsight, I never really got much done with my life at all. And I realised, intuitively, that that didn’t satisfy me. I didn’t want to be remembered by posterity as “the really intelligent and witty and fun guy who never accomplished much.” That’s not enough for me anymore.
My life’s work lies ahead of me, and I intend to pursue it with intense drive and determination. I am consciously choosing not to define it just yet, but I have a clear vague idea. (There are such things as clear vague ideas.) I am going to work hard, harder than I’ve ever worked before, and push myself to my limits- if they even exist, because I’ve never encountered them before.
cheers to the value of hard work! (:
honestly, this blog post reeks of my own experience, from being a primary school GEP-er then falling below average but still having people tell me that i’m ‘brilliant with potential to excel’. gosh.
Thank you so much for sharing! I think there are many others like us, which is a massive waste of potential. I find that a lot of JC retainees and dropouts are really intelligent- I think this is because they fail in JC because they didn’t develop proper studying techniques, and they got into JC to begin with through “natural ability”- which isn’t really natural ability so much as it is the practiced ability to improvise and think on one’s feet.
Randy Pausch described how he was overwhelmed by unbelievably good work from his students- work so good that they accomplished in a month what he’d have given them A’s if it took all year. His mentor told him to look them in the eye and say “This is decent stuff guys, but I know you can do better.”
How things might have been different for us if we were treated that way, instead of some special breed of exalted superstars!
Many classes of intelligence. But at the higher rungs I have in my time observed two primary beaviour characteristics at this level in the Singapore system. The bursts and the snipers.
I believe that some of us work best where the immediate challenge is offered with the results a week away as opposed to years worth of work amounting to a day to prove results. To some it is the long planning and slow targeting before a shot at results that is preffered.
Either group is willing and able to work hard. I’m sure you’ve found yourself willing to devot a weeks worth of sleep to accomplish immediate results somthing that others crush under.
This is where the two classes are different, the bursts and the snipers. You and me well I believe we’re something of the burst nature.
Nontheless, viva la duro trabajas.
I agree with you! My primary interest here though is not a matter of preference, but competence. To follow your analogy, there may be people who prefer sniping, yet are more competent at bursting than the average burster.
I think most highly successful people are like that. They learn to manipulate their circumstances and are resourceful enough to find a middle ground between their preferred methodology and desired outcome.
You could say of me that I am presently operating in bursts to try and develop my ability to work for the long haul. The system can be hacked and transcended.
this is almost verbatim the story of my life…
Haha! I’m sure there are a lot more of us! I wonder if there’s anything we can do for ourselves, each other, and future generations of underachievers? I plan to figure this out.
You’ve put into words what I’ve felt for a very long time. And so succinctly too… I don’t know about you, but it kinda sucked when I truly understood I had what it took but had been the only one preventing myself from achieving anything.
Anyway, I really like your blog. Intelligent posts and lots of food for thought. Will be looking forward to more (hard work) from you!
Yeah, it was like a punch in the gut for me, like the realization that I was cheating someone- me. I often feel like I’d rather be betrayed by a friend than personally betray a friend, and the realization that I was betraying and sabotaging myself…. it was pretty hard to bear.
Thank you very much for sharing! I’m sure we are not the only ones. I think I’d like to dedicate a significant portion of my life towards looking out for other people like us and helping them out of their ruts.
Thank you! 🙂
nice write up! i guess when we were young we tend to think this way 🙂 myself is the real life example, i took life so much easier when i was young and i regret most of it now! i wish i can turn back the time i probably end up in Harvard hahahahaahahaha.
But life is too GOOD to regret! so seize every moment and cherish them all!
While preparing for the toughest examination in India, THE ‘IIT-JEE’, one of my favorite teachers said, ” Dude, talent may or may-not get you into an IIT but hard-work would definitely get you into one of them “. How bad I wish, I understood the value of hard-work then, but anyways life is fun when you make mistakes and learn from it 🙂
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