to be absolutely honest,
heart-wrenching, torn and true
to burn with fiery passion,
to glow an unearthly hue
like Lennon and McCartney,
Springsteen, Dylan and Cash
but it doesn’t come quite freely,
it seems the hardest thing to do.
I barely know myself at all,
so surely I don’t know you
assumptions, estimations, trends-
how much of it’s really true?
I know that I exist of course,
that I yearn to be loved, and free-
to be accepted for who I really am,
if I can find that elusive Me.
I want to be inspired,
and to inspire others in turn,
I want to believe in humanity
and from falsehoods truth discern.
I want to be respected,
I want to earn it too,
to purge myself of all my ills,
and through the flames be born anew.
To transcend impulses, to not always be right
to learn when its best to walk away from the fight
to search my soul, and to know my mind
to conquer the universe that within me resides
to love, to live, to breathe, and sing
to learn, to grow, to be one with all things
to give, to share, to play, to dance
to always dare to take a chance
I want to hurt, to lose, to fall, to cry
to lose it all, then be denied
to get up when everyone else is down
to raise the sails when we’ve run aground
to be the voice of reason, and yet
to lift my spirits, and broken bones re-set
to navigate through space and endless time
on the backs of men gone long before
whose spirits still yearn to rise
I want to fight, I want to try,
I want to be smiling the day I die.
Dude, I just finished reading your blog. Every single page. I used to think you were a pretentious shit. If it makes you feel better, I think I be a pretentious motherfucker too, but it hasn’t reached the point where I kill myself and give up hope of seeing the light so all’s good.
I read your blog I said that already. I felt an emotional reaction to many of your posts. Dude, you’re on the same path. The same path, we’re both onwards. I can sense it, and you can sense it too, in this post despite the poor grammar. The tone, the themes, shit, it sings to me. Maybe tomorrow I will be cynical and change my mind but you roused something, you made me feel. Thank you.
I was numb the whole day of today, thinking about how time and life has stood still for me, despite all the good things that seem to be underway and through this fog your posts made me feel.. Many of your posts, I could have written myself except that I never brought them to the surface, and you write in a very polished style which I have no wish to imitate. Keep it, it is awesome, you are awesome, and yes, I can imagine you are a very self rationalizing dick, and its good that you are hard on yourself. Hard is good. Very good. Not hard is impotent. Not good.
You say you have a slack NS vocation? Don’t worry, you’re not missing out much, but the mind fuck has taught me stuff, and you won’t get it anywhere else in the world in my long life experience of 18 years. You can always refine yourself like an effeminate intellectual in your air conditioned haven, if that’s where you are. Yes yes I know you’re working out now.
This poem rhymes, but that’s about all there is to it, there are parts that made me cringe because of the sheer cliche, but that is okay too. I am no good poet either. I say this so you won’t be too bothered.
We would have never been good friends you and I, you were too aloof in school and I was too uncomfortable with that, I always sensed you were talking down to people in general, but fuck that for what its worth now. Listen, this post is losing direction and I’m losing steam. I just want to say that you keep working on yourself, and I’ll keep working on myself, and at the end of the day, we’ll both be fucking glorious.
I’m off to the airport.
HAHAHAHA! I love it. Thanks for sharing. Keep fighting the good fight! I’ll be rooting for you.
“Only the descent into the hell of self-knowledge can pave the way to godliness.” – Immanuel Kant