“It’s lackadaisical days like today that make me realise how empty my life is. Something is missing; Ambition? Direction? I can’t pinpoint what it is. The same frightened feeling used to collect in my chest whenever I could hear my parents fighting. None of it is affecting me yet, but eventually the cloud always mushrooms to cover me and all my apathy in dust too.”

I can most certainly identify with that. It’s the state of being unsettled, the realization that what you have and who you are is based on unstable premises that might eventually give way. It’s a lonely and uncomfortable place to be, and spending too long in it can drain you terribly or possibly even outright depress you.

The feeling itself might be uncomfortable at first but it’s not inherently a good or bad thing- I’ve grown to appreciate it as a signal that leads me towards reflection, and subsequently self-growth. If you never feel unsettled, you’ll never grow as a person. Learn to welcome the feeling, and more importantly learn to do what it’s trying to tell you to do. Even physical discomfort, while unpleasant, is a signal that something is wrong with your body. Think of this as a sort of mental or philosophical discomfort that’s trying to tell you something. Listen carefully to what it’s trying to say.

Spend some time reflecting about inconsistencies in your values and belief system. If you are engaging in any sort of behavior that you wouldn’t tolerate in other people, you have a working answer as to why you’re probably finding it difficult to live with yourself. While you’re at it, spend some time evaluating the relationships you have with other people in your life. Read books, because they are a collective wealth of information, knowledge, experience and wisdom.

If the feeling still persists, remind yourself that it can be a little bit selfish to get too self-absorbed and consider redirecting your energy outwards- I’m sure that there’s a friend of yours somewhere who could use your help in some way or another. It can be immensely fulfilling to help other people with their troubles- what is a small effort on your part could mean the world to someone else.

With regards to ambition and direction- those are big words and big concepts that are difficult to immediately define or wrap your head around, and doing so is really an indulgence in intellectual stimulation that might be a little bit too much when you’re in such a distressing state of mind, like going jogging when you’ve got a sprained ankle. I believe that it’s really quite okay to not have a clear and fixed path in mind, especially considering that the terrain you will be navigating will always be changing. Strategy isn’t nearly as important as tactics when faced with an unknown challenge- your strategy can change and evolve along the way, but effective and efficient tactics will almost always serve you well under almost any circumstances.

Good luck! And remember, don’t be jealous of all the people who seem never to feel the way you feel because they seem so happy and carefree. They should be jealous of you; they just don’t know it. It is your private burden to bear, but it will likely yield your crowning glory.