I was going to blog again but I just left it here and didn’t do anything.

I guess once you stop something it takes some time to get it going back- and if when you realise that the quality has dropped because of rust, you’ll feel worse about yourself and not want to do it anymore because you’re upset that you’re not as good as you once were.

Do you guys ever get that feeling?

I seem to have it everywhere. Studies, whereby I loved dominating in early primary school but can’t give a fuck now that I actually fail tests. Fitness, where I stopped halfway and got to such a weak physical condition I couldn’t even bench anything more than the bar- and I looked fitter two years ago. That was seriously demoralizing as well. Then the blog, when diary-x died I couldn’t quite care anymore and now my entries are weaker.

But I guess what I need to realise is that I have to learn to forgive myself and rediscover why I do things. I worked out because I wanted to look good- but what kept me at it was that I enjoyed the adrenaline rush. I studied- well I actually didn’t study. I’ll have to think about that. I enjoyed academics (ah, there we go) because I enjoy being able to tear any maths problem in the book apart, I enjoyed understanding everything. Knowledge is power- and power is a heady substance.

Although think about it, knowledge no longer really puts you ahead of anyone else. It’s knowing how to efficiently procure that knowledge at your profit. It’s not how many degrees you have but how many degrees you have working for you. Knowledge is free and easy. Experience and skill isn’t.

But anyway that’s another issue altogether. I’ve actually filled up the white box now. I gave up when I looked at it earlier because I thought about where I wanted to go and decided it was going to be too difficult.

I forgot how much I actually loved to write for the sake of writing instead of getting readers, to work out for the enjoyable pumps and sense of control, academics for the self-fulfilment and to keep the brain running like a well oiled machine rather than to get marks to prove a point.

As corny as it sounds I think I’m starting to truly understand what they mean by the journey overrides the destination.

I love it.