{"id":11040,"date":"2018-11-28T18:32:25","date_gmt":"2018-11-28T18:32:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/visakanv.com\/1000\/?p=11040"},"modified":"2018-12-11T11:47:32","modified_gmt":"2018-12-11T11:47:32","slug":"sleep","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/visakanv.com\/1000\/sleep\/","title":{"rendered":"sleep threadpost"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

0008 \u2013 waking up early gives you more options<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I slept early last night, and it was a great decision to have made.<\/strong> Well, early to me means I decided to get off the computer at about 12:30am or so, and by the time I actually got to bed, it was about 1:15am. I think I looked at my phone at about 1:44am. I remember being semi-awake at some point, maybe about 3 or 4 am. I had an interesting dream that I can\u2019t really remember very much about any more. (Damnit!) And most importantly of all, I woke up naturally, peacefully, at about 8:15am. (I suspect that I actually woke up once earlier than that, maybe at about 6am, but went back to sleep.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most of the time I used to be groggy about my sleep- I\u2019d stay up late until I absolutely couldn\u2019t take it anymore, then pass out for a number of hours (usually about 10 hours, actually) and wake up in the middle of the afternoon, feeling lethargic, tired and frustrated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not today, today I am well rested and clear-headed. It feels amazing. It makes me realize that I\u2019ve been living a certain way ever since late secondary school. After my O Levels, I started sleeping really, really late. 3am and 4am nights became absolutely commonplace. I\u2019d go to school sleep-deprived every morning, sleeping on the bus on the way to school, sleeping in lectures. It was just a way of being for me, and on hindsight I suspect that this might have been one of the most detrimental things that I did for my own academic performance. Being in a constant state of sleep deprivation is like diminishing your own consciousness- and I kinda have evidence to back that claim up, which is my own 90-week-project data. When I slept well, I performed better in whatever I set out to do. Bad sleep, and it\u2019s like everything is a blur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I woke up this morning with lots of mental clarity.<\/strong> I did my pushups, I\u2019m drinking my water, and in a few minutes I\u2019m going to head out to have breakfast with a friend. I got a little bit of reading done, and maybe I\u2019ll continue reading once I\u2019m done with breakfast. After that, I\u2019m going to systematically go through my commitments and perhaps get even more writing done. It feels fantastic. I really need to experiment harder with this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

0015 \u2013 sleep early and stop smoking<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was up at 640am due to natural causes. I had a rather strange dream involving the tacit witnessing of some unorthodox sex practices, but regardless I went to bed before 2am, and I woke up at 640am. I had several hours of sleep the day before, too- from 2pm to about 6pm, maybe, so I think I did get a full 8 hours of sleep last night. I do feel rather well rested. This hasn\u2019t happened in months and it feels amazing. (I spent the last 30 minutes on the internet, though, and if I hadn\u2019t cut myself off before that, things could have gotten ugly.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

0018 \u2013 internet addiction and an early night<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can accept this, because it is clear to me that restricting a little bit of freedom in this regard can and will most probably lead to a large increase in freedom in many other places. I need better habits and routines, and I think the damage control on this one could be the highest-leverage of all (second to \u201csleep well\u201d- but my internet addiction and poor sleeping habits are both highly related. I sleep well when I\u2019m not trapped in an online quicksand pit.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have been taking cold showers every morning, I do my pushups and my squats. Really, I think my number one priorities after that should be to limit my aimless internet surfing time, and to go to bed as early as possible. It\u2019s 11:10pm now. I\u2019m going to set some goals for tomorrow before I sleep, so that I know what I ought to do, then I\u2019m going to take a cold shower, sit in silence for a while and go to bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

0034 \u2013 waking early<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyway. I went to bed earlier than usual last night- I had intended to go to bed at about 10pm but I think I actually went to bed at about 10:40pm, which is not too bad (Sometimes I intend to go to bed at midnight, and end up going to bed at about 6am, which is terrible). And I think I\u2019ve discovered the best case for sleeping early- it seems to me that when you sleep early, you need less sleep. When I sleep at 11pm, I wake up at about 7am. Which is about 8 hours of sleep. When I sleep at 3 or 4 am though, I tend to wake up at anywhere between 2 to 4 pm- which is 10 to 12 hours of sleep. Somehow sleeping early allows me to feel more rested AND save about 3-4 hours a day. That\u2019s almost magical if you think about it. Compound that with the fact that early mornings are just beautiful times to be up at- the weather is pleasant, the world comes to greet you, all is beautiful and well. I need to practice going to sleep early and waking up early enough for this to enter my thick skull until I feel it in my bones, rather than just intellectually.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sleep early, folks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

0059 \u2013 waking early<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Good morning. It\u2019s 0650hrs. I went to bed at 0000 last night. I did my best to calm my mind, to be in a state of fitful rest. My alarm went off at 0600. I tried to be as clear-headed as I possibly could. My standard routine in such a scenario is to set two alarms- my next alarm I believe is at 0715, and I did set it. What typically happens is that I wake up in a state of mild anxiety and confusion and I go back to sleep. It\u2019s the easiest thing to do in that circumstance. This has been a recurring thing for a long time, since way back when I used to not-do my homework at night. I\u2019d try to wake up early to do it, but I\u2019d typically be too sleepy, and then I\u2019d try to postpone and delay it until finally it was too late, my mum would wake me up and I\u2019d go to school anxious and afraid because I hadn\u2019t done my homework. This was a vicious cycle that perpetuated itself for years, and could be subroutine in my mind that\u2019s had incredible amounts of practice and reinforcement.2 days ago I met my boss for a 1-1 session. It\u2019s a really cool practice that I think every organization should adopt. All our 1-1 sessions feel incredibly productive. The act of meeting up to \u201cre-sync\u201d is therapeutic for me. It helps me realign my goals, my context and my perspective. At my last 1-1 I felt a greater sense of purpose, relevance and responsibility (with respect to my work) than I had before. I felt a sort of work-related gratitude, and gratitude I find is a practice that always compels you to do work that is important, not just urgent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The narrative gets messy, though. That night I went home to a bit of a messy situation, and had to deal with more than I could handle. I was overwhelmed and frustrated and frustrated. I couldn\u2019t eat or sleep. I went to bed that night at almost 0300, and the sleep was of poor quality. I went to work sleep-deprived, and the quality of my work suffered. I didn\u2019t have the clarity of mind I needed to focus on what I knew I had to do, and so I procrastinated to an uncomfortable, irresponsible degree. I still met some of my minor minimum-goals-per-day, but I felt like I was doing it in a very reactive, non-deliberate way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

0075 \u2013 sleepy and unfocused<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Have been a bit sleep deprived or something the past couple of days. Maybe dehydrated too. Wasn\u2019t very productive at work.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

0117 \u2013 sleep<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t really care for resolutions but I\u2019m going to experiment with a month of sleeping early. (2014 edit: HAH.) I\u2019m starting now to get a running start. I believe it will make me Fitter Happier More Productive. I believe it has worked for me in the past and I believe it will work for me moving forward. I find that when I sleep before 11pm, I wake up earlier AND more well rested. This was most clearly evident during my NS days and during other brief periods.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bad posture, lack of exercise, too many tabs open, too many distractions, constantly just trying to get by. I need more focus and clarity. I can\u2019t conjure that out of nowhere; it starts with sleep. Sleep makes me make better decisions. I remember that I used to smoke more when sleep deprived. The brain just needs rest sometimes. The kind of work that I do especially demands mental acuity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I slept at 12mn last night. I was hoping to sleep at 11, but I was \u201cdoing some stuff\u201d. I woke up at some point in the night- I didn\u2019t check but I think it would\u2019ve been around 4am- and I went back to sleep. I woke again at 8am. Lay in bed til 815. Reddited and tumblred till 9, which on hindsight was a bad use of my time. I should not go online until I get a chunk of stuff done. I should probably shower immediately after I get up instead of drawing it out. I\u2019m on the way to work now though, and I\u2019m both fresher and slightly earlier than usual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The best thing about sleeping earlier, I think, is waking up more naturally. Less abruptly. I know that military folk train to be functional while sleep deprived, but hey. Even Napoleon supposedly took naps on the battlefield. On hindsight it\u2019s ridiculous how little attention I give to my quality of sleep, considering that it directly influences my quality of life. I feel myself less stressed, more alert. I\u2019m breathing more deeply. I feel less likely to want a cigarette.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s interesting how people take drugs to alter our consciousness, or we demonize and\/or criminalize people who do, when pretty much everything we do has a similar effect. Life is drugs. Exercise is drugs. Sleep is drugs. Sex is drugs. Facebook is drugs. Smartphones are drugs. Food is drugs. Driving when sleep deprived can be worse then driving under the influence. Clearly a lot about life- if not everything about it- is about managing one\u2019s consciousness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I could I would mandate that everybody experiments with their sleep and diet and Facebook usage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

0206 \u2013 fuck it just do it<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am basically terrible at project management, because I don\u2019t know how to write minimum requirements. I wrote a couple of posts about the importance of writing minimum requirements, and I wrote a post about the importance of being succinct. I wrote those things in moments of clarity. But while I appreciate these things intellectually, when I\u2019m extra-conscious, I lose all of those insights and perspectives when I\u2019m sleep-deprived, punch-drunk, tired.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So the first and most important thing for me this year is to respect my sleep. I quit smoking last year and that was great. Now I just need to respect my sleep. Because I make better decisions when I\u2019m well-rested. I need to meditate everyday, just 5-10 minutes here and there, and maybe take a nap here and there, because these things give me clarity, and clarity is power. I\u2019ve been writing about this for years. But I\u2019ve also written about quitting smoking for years, and I finally quit. The next thing is sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why don\u2019t I respect my sleep? Short-termism, fogginess, blah blah. Habit<\/strong>. I like the freedom and quiet I get at night, which I actually also get in the morning if I wake up early. I like the implied soft deadline of the night, where you can keep going for as long as you like until you\u2019re done or you drop. In the morning, the rest of the day lies ahead of you. If I were a responsible, reliable person, it wouldn\u2019t actually matter if I used the morning or night. But I used to use the night primarily because it felt like I didn\u2019t have to care so much about other people, about obligations and responsbilities. But it\u2019s not like those things go away- it\u2019s just that they\u2019re less obvious at night when sleep is just next door. They\u2019re hell of a lot more obvious in the morning, which can be intimidating and overwhelming for a person who never learned how to be responsible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

0215 \u2013 why do I not sleep better?<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I sleep better, I have more clarity of mind. I make better decisions. I wake earlier, and when I wake earlier I\u2019m likelier to do my morning reflections, go for a run, plan my day and so on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sleep is an astoundingly powerful first principle and I\u2019m definitely underestimating it. To make things worse, sleep deprivation diminishes my consciousness- I become groggy and muddled. I take longer to make simple decisions, and I make bad calls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve quit smoking. I\u2019ve started eating healthier. I\u2019m somewhat more systematic at work- that\u2019s still a work in progress. I\u2019ve started exercising- also a work in progress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But sleep\u2026 I\u2019ve still been stuck in my current state for quite a while.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First step to improving sleep was to get a house of my own. I sleep better in my own home. Then we got a screen to block out the night lights. Then we taped up all the little lights to make the room almost pitch black. We bought air conditioning for the warm nights. Everything I need for the physical sleeping experience is there- ideally I\u2019d like a bigger room with a bigger bed but that\u2019s in the future. What can I do for myself now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My main problem is that I don\u2019t prioritise sleep the way I\u2019m learning to prioritise, say, exercise. It seems like I\u2019ve simply never learnt to prioritise anything ever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I need to make sleep a priority. Am I aware that this is true, is there some weight behind it? Yes. I have many data points telling me that sleep is good and not sleeping is bad, and that Life Is Better when I sleep early. I\u2019ve been writing about this for years, hoping perhaps that when I finally need or decide to make the decision, I already have all the evidence I need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, it\u2019s time to make the decision. Sleep is an important priority. I want to improve my quality of life. Sleep directly achieves that, AND puts me in a better state to make even better decisions about everything else. It\u2019s clearly important and I have to prioritise it. This is the statement of intent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why is this even necessary? Why am I not already sleeping well- what is competing? Work, play. I have a habit of thinking\/feeling that I need to do more work at night, that I need to squeeze in more of everything at night because I won\u2019t have time to do anything. It\u2019s all dark playground and mixed feelings park.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I feel like I\u2019m overcomplicating things at this point. I don\u2019t sleep early firstly because I\u2019ve been a habitual late sleeper. If I sleep late regularly, then I\u2019m going to keep sleeping late- the habit perpetuates. If I want to get out of the cycle I\u2019m going to have to intentionally, willfully break it, even if there\u2019s no good reason why it\u2019s been like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s keeping me from sleeping earlier? I guess I worry that I won\u2019t wake early if I sleep early- it feels like if I sleep early, I just sleep longer and end up waking up late anyway, and not at all well-rested, so it feels like it doesn\u2019t make any difference. But I know intellectually that doesn\u2019t make sense- sleep is ultimately like calories. If you consume more calories than you expend, you\u2019re eventually going to gain weight. And if you sleep early enough, and longer for a few hours, you\u2019re going to be more well rested. I must have all sorts of sleep debt that I need to recover from.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I guess I should be okay with sleeping earlier for a few days- up to a month, maybe. If I sleep early and still wake late a month later, then that\u2019s a problem. But it shouldn\u2019t last more than a week or two. Then I should start waking earlier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I also need to have a sleep ritual of sorts- start shutting down my computers and screens, and maybe get in bed with a book. That should make a sizeable difference. I\u2019m going to do that. We\u2019ll see how it goes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

0262 \u2013 Megaman X and how we teach ourselves<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Why do I fail? I get tired and I lose the clarity of mind? Why do I get tired? I sleep late. Why do I sleep late? I get distracted, I get scared, I lose focus, I try to rush things at the end. I should never sleep late ever again. Even if things are fucking up, I should probably just sleep early. I should meditate regularly. Every day. And I should write about it. I should experiment with my notebooks.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

0382 \u2013 wake up earlier for a different life<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yesterday when me and my wife were at the airport sending my parents off, I had a brain wave at some point\u2013 I can\u2019t remember what triggered it exactly\u2013 but I turned to her and said, we really gotta start waking up early. As in, not just keep talking about it, but actually wake up early. Like, set an alarm at a fixed time and both get our asses out of bed together. And she agreed. It\u2019s something we\u2019ve both been talking about sorta doing for the longest time, and so we finally did it. We woke up at 6am today. She went for a run almost immediately. I decided that I wanted to do a word vomit and instead spent over an hour procrastinating on the Internet. A little silly, my bad. But I don\u2019t want to beat myself up over it. The point was that I wanted to wake up early. I\u2019m going to finish this vomit then I\u2019m going to head out for a run of my own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The interesting thing to note is how different my mood is. I\u2019m working on firing myself up now, but yesterday night I was super wired and driven, and this morning when I woke up I still had some of that residual stuff but most of it isn\u2019t quite there. And this is the reality of the situation, of the life that I inhabit. And I have to learn to cope with this. Ok the sun is coming up, I\u2019m just going to go and run first and finish up this vomit later. The point I wanted to make was\u2026\u00a0there\u2019s this constant \u2018handshake\u2019 going on, this passing over of emotional state from person to person within me.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

0386 \u2013 soooo sleepy<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Damn I\u2019m tired. Physically tired. But this is to be expected\u2013 it\u2019s only my third day in a row waking up at 6am, and I didn\u2019t get as much sleep as I wish I did. I\u2019m going to work from home tomorrow\u2013 I\u2019m still going to wake up early, but I\u2019m going to take some naps throughout the day probably. But I intend to keep waking up at 6am every day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why am I writing this so late, anyway? I left work a little later than usual but not THAT late. I must have been drifting off after I got home. Oh yeah, I really took my time to have my dinner (a subway sandwich that the wife had bought and didn\u2019t finish). I suppose all of this is just even more incentive and proof that I need to get myself quality sleep. I\u2019m feeling as sleepy now as I usually do when I stay up until say, 5 or 6am in the morning (when usually going to bed at say, 230am).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But really, this whole vomit is just me trying to small-talk my way to the end. Get me out of here. I\u2019ll look back on this and think \u201cjesus, go to sleep you stupid idiot!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

or maybe I\u2019ll be kinder to myself by then. In any case. We\u2019re done. I can write words to fill out a page. It\u2019s a thing I can do. Goodnight!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

0504 \u2013 the pebble in the shoe is worse than a rocky road<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can and should modify our immediate environments to suit our desired end-states better. I\u2019ve always been a little slow to do this\u2013 the biggest thing I\u2019ve done recently is modify two of the rooms in my house to become a study and a gym respectively, which has in turn changed my behavior. I\u2019m going to hit the gym again tomorrow morning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But beyond that I think the main things to worry about are my internal thought patterns, my habits, my routines, my limiting beliefs, my priorities, my decision-making. It boils down to Covey\u2019s Circle of Influence vs Circle of Control. Or as an SMBC comic put it recently, Power vs Responsibility. The higher your power-to-responsibility ratio, the more comfortable you are. And we\u2019re talking about TRUE comfort, not a soft bed. A hard bed with no debt brings better sleep than a soft bed with debt and unfulfilled obligations.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

0520 \u2013 know what you want and go get it<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I woke up pretty early yesterday, I think. It was probably around 7 or 8 am. I left for work at 9-something, got to office at 1030 and actually got quite a bit of work done before lunch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I got home really tired and fell asleep at about 1030pm or so. I awoke momentarily at 1 or 2 am, and later at 515am or so. I spent about 40 minutes looking through my phone, then went down to buy coffee at about 620am. I then came up and sat outside and watched the sun rise, which was a really beautiful experience. I sort of just took it slow, went and showered, and now it\u2019s 750am and I\u2019m sitting down on my sofa, looking at the sky, writing this word vomit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve had a few false starts with the past few attempts at writing, possibly because I\u2019m trying to wrap my head around something larger than I can currently grasp, or because I\u2019m not focused enough to stick with it through the full thousand words. Probably both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today though I\u2019m awake, well-rested, have some time to think and write, and I don\u2019t really feel like doing anything else in particular, so it feels like I have a good shot at writing something (or a couple of things) that I\u2019d be okay with publishing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s start with the sunrise. I like witnessing sunrises and sunsets. I find them to be appropriately awe-inspiring and humbling. They remind me that I\u2019m just a little human in the grander scheme of things, and they remind me that great, beautiful things are possible. It\u2019s like a mini-version of the Overview Effect, which I have often said I\u2019d like to witness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Theoretically speaking, the sun has risen over 9,000 times in my lifetime so far, and set just as many times. That\u2019s 18,000 events. How many of these have I witnessed? Definitely fewer than 1,000. Probably a couple of hundreds, tops. How many do I consciously remember? Definitely less than 100. Maybe less than 50. That\u2019s 50 out of 18,000. That\u2019s 1\/360, which is less than 0.3%.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I have to confront something that I think is symptomatic of a broader problem that I\u2019d like to solve\u2013 the gap between what I say I want and what I actually act in order to get. It\u2019s a subset of the circle of influence vs circle of concern problem. If I like sunrises and sunsets, why don\u2019t I take the time and trouble to witness them? I know they\u2019re good for me. I know they make me happy. I know they make me feel like writing, which is another thing that I say that I want to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This really does feel like one of the central challenges of my life. Bridging the gap between what I say I want and what I get.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

0522 \u2013 strive to do more than \u2018getting by\u2019<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m sure there are some changes that are worth making. What are these changes?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I find myself revisiting the basics. I should change the way I sleep. I should change the way I eat. I should change the way I work. I should change the way I write. I should change the way I consume information. I should change the way I get things done. I should change the way I see the world. I should change the things that I choose to care about, I should change the things that I focus on. The assumption underlying all of that is\u2013 that I\u2019ve inherited most of these things, and if I\u2019ve modified them any, it\u2019s mostly through simplistic, small-time trial and error.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[…]<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And now I have a bit of time and space and energy that I can carve out for myself, and I want to use those limited resources to figure out how to make life better for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What would that life look like? What does a better life look like? I think the first thing is just waking up early every day and dealing with life before it comes to me. It\u2019s better to do it early than late. [2] I\u2019ve been trying to do that for the past couple of weeks. I\u2019ve been sleeping earlier and waking earlier. I feel like I\u2019m making progress on this front but it will take a few more weeks before I really adjust to it. Once I\u2019m done adjusting to that, I\u2019ll want to be more effective and efficient with how I spend my early mornings. I\u2019ll want to get some reading done, some writing done, some planning and evaluation done. Figure out my commitments in advance\u2013 arrange my appointments and scheduling, plan my workouts, my meals and so on. That\u2019s the biggest thing that will make the biggest difference to my life\u2013 to be prepared and to anticipate things rather than to meet them on the road and improvise suboptimally over and over again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

0674 \u2013 commit to good sleep and good weekends<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I ended up staying up pretty late at night with the wife. I can\u2019t quite remember what we were doing. We might have been watching Netflix, I don\u2019t know. But that was a bad decision that I don\u2019t want to make anymore. I know objectively that I\u2019m better, more productive and make better decisions when I sleep and wake early. I slept at about 10pm last night (saturday) and woke up at 6am this morning. I went for a run, which felt good. Then I got home and did some writing, which also felt good. But then after that I generally dawdled around unproductively. When I say \u201cunproductively\u201d, I don\u2019t mean that I need to be spending my weekends doing the same work that I do on weekdays. But rather, I should be doing one of 4 things \u2013 becoming more effective at work (doing planning-type tasks that save me time), resting fruitfully (no screens \u2013 maybe reading a book, exercising, listening to music, that sort of thing), working on my personal goals (writing), or spending time with friends and family. That\u2019s going to be how I measure the quality of my weekends moving forwardI find myself thinking \u201cI need to do more tracking\u201d, but do I really? I need to schedule time for my weekly reviews. My daily reviews. I need to plan my days before I start them, I need to evaluate my days in the middle of them, and at the end of them. I cannot afford to play by ear any more \u2013 I know from experience that \u201cplay by ear\u201d for me means allowing myself to be pulled in the directions of whatever seems most pressing and urgent. I\u2019ve been living like that for far too long and that needs to stop..<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How does change happen? Well, the biggest bottleneck for me is sleep. I\u2019m reminded of something Terry Crews said in a video I was watching while doing the dishes \u2013 HALT! When you\u2019re hungry, angry, lonely or tired, that\u2019s when you\u2019re most susceptible to making bad decisions. Anger is rarely an issue for me, I can calm myself down quite easily. Loneliness, I know how to deal with \u2013 I just reach out to people and have conversations. Hunger is something I\u2019m often bad at noticing, but I\u2019ve gotten better at it. I haven\u2019t really had to deal with terrible crashing low blood sugar in a longish time. So the main thing I have to contend with is sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That sounds like a boring problem. But it should be acutely interesting to me. If it\u2019s so easy to solve, why haven\u2019t I solved it? I find myself thinking about something Jon Kabat-Zinn said \u2013 if you think the breath is boring, just hold it for about a minute or two and see how exquisitely interesting it gets. Similarly \u2013 if I think the sleep problem is boring, why haven\u2019t I solved it? There\u2019s some meta-problem around me not sleeping better that I haven\u2019t solved yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lebron James supposedly sleeps 11 hours a night. It makes sense for a professional athlete whose body needs to heal. I definitely can\u2019t function on too little sleep myself. I get slow. I get sloppy. I make poorer decisions. I stare into space. I get cigarette cravings (because they perk me up). I can\u2019t rely on coffee because it raises my heartrate without making me much more alert. When I\u2019m too tired and sleepy, I don\u2019t feel like I can exercise \u2013 that too feels like it fucks with my heart somehow. I don\u2019t know the precise science behind it, but I trust my body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The funniest thing is \u2013 it\u2019s not like I\u2019m sleeping too little because I\u2019m overworked by hard shift work or something. I\u2019m usually sleeping late because I\u2019m a little bit anxious, and I have some energy, and I feel like I should put it to good use. I started this vomit at 1130pm, which is actually a bad practice I think \u2013 the proper routine\/behavior should be me going off all screens by about 9pm, and then getting to bed at like 1030, lights out. Sleep. Wake at 6, write, run or lift, eat, plan my day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I\u2019m writing this because I want to remind myself. I want to remember. I want to send a message to my future self saying hey, this is where we start changing things. We start by going to bed. You\u2019re already in bed, good. Just keep going for 200 more words, hit publish, set the alarm, turn off the lights and go to sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everything is just cause and effect. If something is not happening, if you\u2019re not happy, if you\u2019re frustrated, if you\u2019re feeling some sort of ennui, there are reasons for it. You can identify what the reasons are. You can trace them to their origins. You can make changes and you can do better. You know that you want to do better. That is not a maybe-maybe-not feeling, you\u2019ve wrangled with this on and off for years and years, it\u2019s long enough for you to know what the truth is. And you know it. You want to sleep well. You want to wake well. You\u2019ve just been fumbling because of poor decisions you make earlier in the day. You put off your work for last, when you should be doing it earlier. Make simple schedules and stick to them, and reward yourself for sticking to them. You already know all the principles, you just need to believe in yourself and execute on them. If you\u2019re scared or nervous because you haven\u2019t done it before, remind yourself that there are other things that you had never done before \u2013 and then you went on to do them. So do them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can do it. Good night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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