Today is the first day in 5 years and 4 months that I don\u2019t have an employer.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been thinking about a Nassim Taleb quote: \u201cThe three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates and a monthly salary.\u201d I don\u2019t intend to try heroin (except maybe on my deathbed or in the event of the apocalypse), and I generally try to keep my carb intake somewhat low. But I\u2019ve been getting a monthly salary for 64 months in a row, and I have to admit that it\u2019s definitely had an effect on me. There\u2019s definitely a numbing, dulling effect of sorts. Or to put it the other way \u2013 knowing that I\u2019m not going to receive a paycheck for the coming month has a sobering, sharpening effect.<\/p>\n
I realise that\u2019s also true for food. I experimented with fasting about once a week for a few weeks at the end of last year, and one of the most interesting things about that experience was the mental clarity I would wake up with the next morning.<\/p>\n
3 meals a day, a salary every month, a daily 9-5 for 5 days at a time. All of these are… stabilizing? Predictable stimuli has a numbing effect, for sure. Routine is numbing.<\/p>\n
___<\/p>\n
It\u2019s day two. I\u2019ve definitely noticed that my range of emotional experience has expanded. I have more time and space now to be sensitive to everything that\u2019s going on. As a working adult with an employer, I think I found myself often looking through everything with the lens of \u201cwhat are the implications for my work?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLooking through the lens\u201d isn\u2019t exactly the best metaphor here. It\u2019s a little bit more subtle than that. It\u2019s more like… being a salaried employee was a weight on my back that kept me from being as nimble and alert as I can be now. Which isn\u2019t to say that people with jobs can\u2019t be nimble and alert, of course. But it was definitely something that weighed on me. Particularly I think because my job was more than a simple 9-5 gig \u2013 it was something that took up a lot of my headspace, a lot of my energy.<\/p>\n
And that\u2019s the work itself. There are also all the general concerns about peopling with colleagues, having deadlines, showing up on time, being presentable, all sorts of subtle things like that which really add up. \u201cPsychic weight\u201d is probably a better metaphor.<\/p>\n
I still have psychic weight on my back from having to worry about how I\u2019m going to be paying the bills in the long run. I have some cash saved up that will last me a decent amount of time if I\u2019m disciplined about my expenses. But I don\u2019t want to burn through all of my savings. Right now I feel very liberated and open and free, but with each passing month I anticipate that I\u2019m going to get progressively more worried about having new sources of income. I\u2019m going to be a writer-for-hire, do some consulting and strategy work for startups looking to build their content teams & processes, and I\u2019m going to work on expanding Statement (my t-shirt business) to do more things.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a lot that\u2019s coming to me \u2013 rushing to fill in the new vacuum that work has created. I\u2019m thinking about my own brain, my habits of thinking, my assumptions, my motivations, my interests. I\u2019ve been walking around my house with new eyes, looking at my walls, looking at my books. Everything that seemed blurry and vague, like it was the background noise and clutter of my life, is now coming into sharper relief. Without the weight of employment on my back, I get to look at almost everything with fresher, clearer eyes. (I\u2019ve also been getting more and better sleep, so that\u2019s definitely a huge part of it.)<\/p>\n
An interesting challenge for me is figuring out a new identity for myself. I used to lean hard on the fact that I was a marketing guy at a tech startup. I\u2019m not one anymore. So what am I? I\u2019m a business owner. I\u2019m a writer. I\u2019m a strategist and consultant.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t think I\u2019m imagining it when I say that there\u2019s something vaguely low-status about words like \u201cunemployed\u201d and \u201cfreelancer\u201d. I like the phrase \u201cfree agent\u201d, since it implies instead that people who aren\u2019t free agents are… not free. Because that\u2019s the truth, man. That\u2019s what I was last month. But is that the only phrase that\u2019s available to me? Business owner is also pretty decent but I think it can give off \u201cetsy shop artisan\u201d connotations, which is a whole \u2018nother ball of worms that\u2019s gendered and dismissive.<\/p>\n
I enjoyed being described as \u201ca digital dumpster diving savant\u201d (Venkat), who did \u201criffs on society, culture and cognition\u201d (Julia). \u201cWholesome but cynical, interesting thoughts, good aesthetics\u201d (Sonya). \u201cRandom, strange, finds art in everything, curious and fairly enlightened, questions human interactions\u201d (Johnny). \u201cObservational stuff on pop culture and history\u201d (@verbaldetonator).<\/p>\n
I feel a little bit of guilt and worry at not having already written more, and I feel a little bit overwhelmed with options and possibilities and that\u2019s been keeping me from putting out more stuff. It\u2019s funny and humbling how eternal this feeling is, it was the reason I started this word vomit project in the first place. Now that I\u2019m a free agent, I can turn on the firehouse to full blast again. This vomit is an instance of it sputtering as the buildup of gunk is getting blasted out. But in a matter of days, I\u2019m going to be in the zone \u2013 just a constant stream of output, covering many more bases all at once. I have confidence and faith in myself that this will happen. Everything is already there inside my head, and now that the restraints have been removed, I just need to get the blood flowing again. I\u2019m excited. What am I excited about? What do I expect to write about? I suppose that would make a good candidate for the vomit right after this one!<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t wait. And for the first time in years \u2013 I don\u2019t have to.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Today is the first day in 5 years and 4 months that I don\u2019t have an employer. I\u2019ve been thinking about a Nassim Taleb quote: \u201cThe three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates and a monthly salary.\u201d I don\u2019t intend to try heroin (except maybe on my deathbed or in… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[695,508,696],"class_list":["post-10793","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-word-vomit","tag-feral-free-agent","tag-freedom","tag-unemployed"],"yoast_head":"\n