I have a sprawling to-do list that\u2019s just full of things that I haven\u2019t gotten around to. This is an interesting challenge and opportunity. Some of these things are dated and I should just say no to them. But really what I need to do is to get to a meta-level. To recognise that I\u2019m trapped in a box, with my limitations keeping me in, and that I\u2019ll have to carefully examine my situation in order to transcend it. I don\u2019t think it\u2019ll ever be possible to get to \u201cinbox zero\u201d with a bunch of todos. So I need to find some better way of feeling happy and fulfilled. It has to be a measure of flow, a measure of progress, a rate of change sort of metric rather than an absolute one. I know I need to be writing every day. If I\u2019m not writing, I\u2019m stagnating, and if I\u2019m left stagnant, I start to get a little\u2026 decrepit. It\u2019s not a good look, and it doesn\u2019t feel fun either. I want to have fun. Life is short, we should all have as much fun as we can before we die. And to have really great fun, we have to be imaginative. All the \u201clots of fun in the short term\u201d options are uncreative, and often destructive. <\/p>\n
How can I have more fun? I find myself thinking about my guitars, which are hanging on my wall, that I haven\u2019t really touched in a while. I find myself thinking about the youtube videos that I want to make. I\u2019ve made a couple of videos recently \u2013 they\u2019re really just word vomits in video form. I want to do this partly because I think it\u2019s such a shame I don\u2019t have more videos of myself from the past \u2013 there\u2019s something that gets captured in a video that mere writing and photographs can\u2019t quite capture. And also I want to get more comfortable speaking to an international audience. I want to get better at communicating, at being understood. Doing this on more than one medium definitely has its uses. I don\u2019t intend to be a famous YouTuber \u2013 I just want to get into the habit of publishing videos of myself. Maybe at least one a week? I should do one tomorrow. Adding a todo for that now. <\/p>\n
I want to get this word vomit project over and done with as quickly as possible. I have 346 vomits left to write. If I do one a day (and remember, I went 17 days without writing a single one recently), then I still won\u2019t be done until 2018. I\u2019d really like to be done in 2017. This means that I have to write more than one word vomit a day. This means that I have to change my behaviour significantly. It means that I\u2019ll have to write on my commutes. It means I\u2019ll have to try and publish one word vomit before I leave the house, and one more before I go to bed. If I manage to write 2 a day, that\u2019s 173 sets of vomits. If I can pull this off, I\u2019ll be done in September. That seems reasonable. I just need to set aside time to write. This isn\u2019t all that crazy. I\u2019ve found myself running in circles for no reason at all, and that\u2019s definitely time I could have spent writing. I\u2019m publishing unedited words anyway, so it\u2019s not like things need to be good. They just need to be done.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m thinking now of how little I\u2019ve exercised in the past year even though I have access to a home gym that I spent a couple of thousands of dollars on. I haven\u2019t completely fallen off the wagon; I still work out at least once every two weeks or so. But I should be working out every 3 days. I know i\u2019ve written a few vomits before about how exercise is psychoactive, how it has all sorts of mental and psychological benefits, how it\u2019s fun, how it makes me feel alive, how it makes me realise that I could be doing more with myself, more for myself, at any given point in time. So I definitely need to exercise tomorrow.<\/p>\n
I told myself to have a system of doing regular reviews. I just messaged a friend earlier to remind him to do his. It\u2019s funny, how hard it is to maintain this habit. On a daily level I think I just tell myself that oh I\u2019m so tired, I\u2019ll do it later, I\u2019ll do it tomorrow. But then it doesn\u2019t get done. And if I\u2019m not doing regular reviews of my everyday life, then how do I know if I\u2019m getting better at living the life that I want to be living? Some people might do this without writing, but just by reflecting and meditating. I think I could use some of that too. What am I waiting for? I don\u2019t want to obsess about this too much \u2013 the point is to act. I\u2019m writing a vomit now. I want to do a review tomorrow morning, going over all of my things as quickly as possible. Ah \u2013 I realise I often get distracted y some specific detail of whatever\u2019s on my plate, and then I start pursuing the on the spot. That\u2019s a bad idea. I need to learn to set a course for myself and then follow it without being distracted mid-way. I\u2019ve definitely gotten better at this over the years, but I need to continually get better yet, otherwise I\u2019m stagnating, and when I stagnate I get decrepit, and life goes from being an adventure to an ordeal.<\/p>\n
Sometimes I wonder if I deliberately make my own life a little difficult because some part of me feels like I need to suffer, atone for my sins. It seems a little far-fetched in writing, but think about how sometimes people who\u2019ve been abused, continue to seek out new abusers to abuse them. It\u2019s sad, silly, all of those things. And yet I am like that in my own way. That\u2019s just a bug of the human mind. We\u2019re only sort-of conscious. We\u2019re only sort-of able. We have to accept that, and integrate that into our dealings with reality. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have a sprawling to-do list that\u2019s just full of things that I haven\u2019t gotten around to. This is an interesting challenge and opportunity. Some of these things are dated and I should just say no to them. But really what I need to do is to get to a… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[338],"class_list":["post-10480","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-word-vomit","tag-review-your-stuff"],"yoast_head":"\n