There’s a beautiful game called Terranigma, which is a pretty interesting spin on the classic Hero’s Journey. Not many people have played it, but many of those who have describe it as the best game they’ve ever played. (http://fantasyanime.com/legacy/terran_kainreview.htm)

(This post will have spoilers– I assume you’re probably never going to play the game. If you are– well, skip this vomit and go play it– it’s one of the greatest games and narratives I’ve ever encountered.)

You start out as this guy Ark, in a pleasant, perfect village. You’re a bit of a joker, fooling around, but everyone loves you anyway. There’s a girl that you grew up with, and you both sorta playfully not-quite-flirt with each other.

Anyway there’s a cupboard in the Elder’s office that’s never been opened, and the Elder isn’t around, so your friends bug you to check out what’s inside. You end up breaking in and finding a magical box of sorts with a strange blob-creature in it. And weirdly… everybody in town is suddenly frozen still. The Elder returns– you fool, what have you done, etc. The perfect, idyllic everyday is shattered for ever.

You have to leave town to discover what needs to be done in the world outside (where Ark and friends had never been!) in order to save your friends and loved ones. And then you’re ordered to save the rest of the world– and there are all sorts of interesting plot twists. The most moving thing I think is how Ark gets to effectively resurrect the world, and watch it grow and evolve. You get a sense of the interconnectedness of all things.

The point I wanted to make is really about what it’s like to answer the Call To Adventure. Ark started out in this little bubble that was his town– pristine, perfect, cloistered, secluded. And while his town was effectively ‘perfect’ for him, in the idyllic bliss sense (all he had to worry about were minor little squabbles with family and friends about chasing chickens into the loom, little prank stuff).

And then (in his case, because of an action he took), the world changed. It’s like having a car smash into your living room and kill one of your family members– you can’t not react to it, your life has just changed dramatically and you’re going to have to deal with it. Whatever you were worried about or focused on before that now instantly becomes very trivial. [1]

This is the case with pretty much all Hero’s Journeys, isn’t it? Spiderman’s uncle dies, Batman’s parents die, Superman is thrown to Earth (and even then I think he can keep it down low until he faces his first superbaddy or something that starts wrecking his shit. [2]

The thing about real life is… it’s very easy to stay in a bubble. Bubbles are easy to create, and they’re very enticing. It’s enticing to stay in a loop and argue with people on Facebook all day for years. It’s very enticing to just look at pretty girls on Instagram and never quite build anything substantial. It’s all supernormal stimuli.

Now, I know that substance itself is ultimately debatable. It’s not any “more real”. What I’m talking about is… what withstands collision with harsh reality. What remains when bullshit withers away. Being able to think clearly from first principles. Having fundamental assets that stay with you when everything burns. Being physically fit and strong. Having survivalist skills. Being able to negotiate well with others, being able to communicate effectively.

Pause, rewind. What was I trying to get at with all of this? I was trying to talk about how I felt like maybe I was in some sort of limbo, some sort of purgatory. For me to move forward, I might need a more clearly defined call to adventure. I might need to be clearer about what I need to leave behind, and be clearer about what I need to do in order to move ahead. I might have written or thought about this at several points in my life, but it feels like I haven’t done it well in the past year or so, and so there’s a bunch of accumulated mess in my head that needs refactoring. I need to clarify what I’m interested in, what I’m about, what I want to do.

I will be doing that.
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[1] There’s something about this that a part of me wishes more people would talk about. About what it’s like to have a worldview, a way of thinking, a family, a community, a sense of belonging (sort of), and then have it ripped away from you. But I suppose it’s one of those things where… maybe you chat about it a little bit to commisserate with your fellow heros– but really, the important thing is the adventure that you’re on.

A part of me is always all about the commiseration. I’m still always a bit of a child, always yearning to be touched, coddled, loved. And I realize this will never go away. It’s not something I can simply “man up” to get rid of. I have to acknowledge it exists and deal with it as a legitimate facet of my personality. And when I give it legitimacy, I think it won’t be such a big deal.

But it’s also a part of overthinking. Grow up. Take responsibility for your life. Clean up the spilt milk. Dry your tears. Welcome to reality. Writing about your pain and need for sympathy will get you all the sympathy you want, and then some. And you will be a victim of its success– you’ll end up getting really good at getting sympathy. That will be your way of living, your role in life. Somebody that people sympathize with. “How beautifully he writes about his pain!”

Fuck that.

[2] I’m unintentionally conflating two things here– the point where the hero undergoes whatever it is that makes him different, and the point where he has no choice but to react to circumstances beyond his control. This is something worth exploring separately, and making sure that I get the difference right.