How do I succeed where my parents, teachers, etc failed? [0067]

I’m still trying to figure out the answer here, but I think the main thing is that none of them sold me a narrative that I believed in. The only person who’s given me a narrative that I really believe in– or at least think I believe in– is my boss. And maybe myself.

And I guess having smaller, shorter feedback loops maybe. I’m really proud of my spindle. I think spindling might make all the difference. Maybe I’m naive. We’ll see.

How to allocate cognitive resources? [0077]

This is a prioritization question. I guess this is a solved problem? I’m thinking about Covey’s 7 Habits. Be proactive, begin with the end in mind, first things first. What does that mean in terms of cognitive resources? I think if there’s a resource allocation problem the first thing is to ask if there’s anything that’s forcing there to be limited resources? Is there anything that can be done to increase the total amount of resources available? That’s important but not necessarily critical– I think if you’re not careful you can fall into the trap of trying to expand your resource pool without actually using them to do anything.

The most important thing is to APPLY and EXPEND those resources in the pursuit of attaining something small, effective and concrete that starts a sets a good feedback loop in motion. Repeating the answer in the first question.

Don’t aim to do big grand projects. Don’t aim to sharpen the saw for the sake of sharpening the saw. Get something small done that’s a decisive step in the right direction, get a reward from it and then do it again and watch it add up.

What is my background brain currently occupied with? [0080]

Paul Graham’s Top Thing On Your Mind question. What is the top thing on my mind? Mainly I guess I want to be done with my vomits as fast as possible. I want to read all my books as fast as possible. I want to learn to cook. I want to go through all my old stuff in a systematic way. Are these really the top TOP things on my mind? Is there something I think about in between all of those things? What do I think about when I’m in the shower? Mostly I’m thinking about whatever I owe the world, whatever missed obligations I have… what happens when I don’t have any obligations? I can’t remember…

This is revealing the importance to me of meditation, reflection, running and so on. If I wake up early tomorrow I’m going for a run and then I’m going to sort of relax and see what comes to mind. I’m now thinking that I’d like to help my team at work get even better.

No I think the top thing on my mind is my career. I want to know how it all plays out. I should chat with my team more about our plans for the future, about what events we want to see happen, so on and so forth. (Heh, this feels slightly deja vu-ish– I feel like I wrote about something I wanted to talk about, and how after I wrote it I felt like I no longer had to ask it.)

But mainly I guess my background brain is wondering if I’m on the right track?

I don’t know, we’ll see.

Why am I not doing the work? (Jealousy, narcissism) [0078]

I’m tired of all the machismo nonsense of trying to feel like I’m just not motivated enough, or I’m not hardworking enough, or I don’t want things badly enough. I think that’s bullshit. I think I know that I want to do the work. If it’s not happening, it’s either because there’s something blocking me at a deeper level than I realize, or there’s something that I don’t know how to do, or there’s something about the way I’ve assembled everything.

What’s the case here?

“It’s okay to be a rambly bastard in private” – why am I a rambly bastard at all? [0098]

My wife wants to know this too. I’m not very sure. I wonder what the origins were. Was I a rambly kid? I used to read a lot of books, but I don’t recall being a very talkative kid. I wasn’t particularly shy… I would talk a lot to my peers I guess. I remember getting into trouble for talking too much in Primary school… but isn’t socializing the whole point? Mark Zuckerberg said so! 😛

I think I’m partially a rambly bastard because I feel awkward not being a rambly bastard.

What is my identity/narrative now? [0096]

For the longest time it was– lackadaisical, devil-may-care sorta guy. I used to be the social media power user guy, always concerned about public issues, keeping people well-informed with quality news and quality information.

Now I’m trying to keep it as simple and small as possible. I want to become a person who gets shit done. That means making my system a lot smaller, focusing on much fewer things, and seeing things through to the end as quickly as possible.

Max number of vomits in a day? I guessed 10. [0074]

Interesting that I took so long to answer this question. This is a fairly consistent thing in my life, I think– I tend to feel good about myself by thinking that I have some ability to some degree that I have not tested.

Well, today at the end of this, once I publish this, I would have done 10 vomits in 12 hours at a moderate/leisurely-ish pace. I had lunch and dinner, did the laundry, did the dishes, and idled around here and there. But so 10 vomits in a day was a valid guess. I’d like to try and beat myself in a subsequent attempt, managing my day and time better. I’m aiming for 15 next time.

Games that really give you a sense of life, in terms of $$ and time? [0093]

It should exist! It seemed to me like Will Wright’s Spore attempted to do this. Maybe Civilization does this too. Maybe I should play Civilization. Now that sounds like a decision I’d really regret (in terms of time cost). Mass Effect did feel amazing. I’d like to play other games like Mass Effect.

Counter-insurgency model of anti-saboteur? [0075]

I’m very into this idea that most war metaphors fall short. Sometimes people say things like you have to declare war on X– declare war on fat, etc. I think it’s far more interesting and accurate to think of complex change situations as counter-insurgencies– the battle is not just for military victory, but for political legitimacy. To genuinely win over the hearts and minds of people, in this case the people in your head. Not enough people talk about this, and I think Counter Insurgency is itself incredibly complex… nobody’s really mastered this.

Something to think about.

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I’ll stop here and maybe expand on some of these further in future posts.