A while ago, I took some time off to do a review of my early vomits– I believe I reviewed the first 100. Here are some of the questions that arose:

Why do I think big instead of seeing present? [0069]

It’s not mutually exclusive– I appreciate the present by thinking big. But if you mean it in a negative way– why do I obsess about big picture things instead of improving my own life, I’m afraid it might be as trivial as the fact that it’s casual entertainment. It’s like obsessing about celebrity gossip, only it allows me to feel better about myself than people who obsess about celebrity gossip. If it’s not something that I can act on, it’s more often that not just ‘interesting’. And ‘interesting’ is safe.

The short answer then is that it spares me having to do any real work. I just ramble on in awe about amazing context. I’m getting tired of that.

What is the path to me working on big problems? [0069]

That’s a fairly easy one, isn’t it? There are people who are already working on big problems– you need to get to know them, and you need to convince them that they ought to get you on board. Alternatively, you could get better at what you’re already working on, and increase the power of the organization that you’re a part of. This seems like a great bet, because you already have a great team.

What’s the literal next step? I think it means getting more efficient at what I’m currently doing, and externalizing that so that other people can also do what I’m doing, and offer criticism and advice.

How to be excited to jump out of bed? [0071]

Great question, and obviously one that I’m not qualified to answer. Here’s what I’m going to try. I’m going to bring my spindle to the room, and if I wake up early, I’ll create a task “jumped out of bed”, and jump out of bed and skewer that bitch! I think I need some endorphins. Right now what I do is

What is the set of my limitations / quirks / habits? [0072]

I suppose these things fall into meatbag / prioritization / context management problems?

Meatbag:

I don’t breathe deeply enough. I don’t meditate enough. I should take meditation breaks frequently.

I don’t eat healthy enough, or eat properly. This is primarily because I have an unhealthy relationship with food and food preparation. I am trying to make a difference with this one by watching videos about food preparation. I should do this more.

I don’t exercise as regularly as I should. But I have started by making a little routine that I’m proud of. I should probably be willing to wait a while after my first run to run again. And maybe then try to run for 3 rounds.

Prioritization:

I don’t plan my work days. This is partially because I’m silly and arrogant and think that things will change– and also because I sleep late and then rush to work and then feel obliged to start immediately. I should change my environment to remind myself. I’ve just added a post-it. I should create a list of things I should do to improve my environment. I’ve just added a post-it to create a list of 10 things. (SMART goals ftw!)

I don’t read books enough. I find that keeping a single book by my bed makes a difference. I’ve just created another task– spend 25 mins thinking about how to get me to read more.

Why not read more books? [0086]

I wrote an entire post to try to answer this! I should probably skewer chapters at a time.

How to change habits + behavior? [0072]

I think I’ve made some progress in thinking about this! See: MVP model of personal development. I think the thing about change is that it has to be really small and really sticky. You have to change something about your identity.

Why do my old posts seem to be so full of lengthy rationalization + bullshit? [0095]

Because it’s simple, convenient and easy. Easier than cutting the crap and doing the hard work of getting shit done. Which is what I’m trying to transition to.

What makes smart people lazy? [0056]

Laziness can be interpreted in terms of the procrastination equation– expectancy, value, impulsiveness, delay. Smart people might have lower expectancy of succeeding tasks because they are more aware of how things might fail. They might value things less because they anticipate how everything is pointless and how you’ll get bored and tired with each individual thing. Smart people might have a habit of living in their heads (and then to one side) rather than in their bodies, and so they don’t listen when their bodies want to feel joy, pleasure, satisfaction. They write those things off.

Just some preliminary thoughts. If you want to dig into the details, “smart” is a rather messy, complicated term. You don’t really know what smart means, or if you can be thought of as smart. Let’s talk specifics instead of such odd, misunderstanding-friendly abstractions.

Also, being lazy is always pleasant in the short run. It’s like staying longer in the water because you’re afraid it’s going to be cold when you get out. Of course, the later it gets, the colder it gets, but… you know. Silly brains and their hyperbolic discounting.

Who am I away from the noise? [0066]

I’m still trying to figure this out, and obviously there isn’t going to be a short answer. This is a work in progress, an evolving sort of thing. But I think away from the noise I have better posture, breathe deeper, and more confident and in control. Or maybe away from the noise I cease to recognize the need for a coherent “I”. Anyway, let’s find out more. Let’s keep digging, keep running.

What really drives me nuts? [0091]

This is less straightforward than it might seem. Often the things that annoy me are actually indicators that I’m focused on the wrong thing. I get annoyed, frustrated and jealous around people sometimes, but that’s usually my own fault and nothing to do with them. The short answer to the question then is “my own mind”, or “my own interpretation”, or “how I choose to react to things”.

But really, there’s no reason to be nuts about anything. I should calm down. Pay attention to the causal relationships of things. Decide what I care about, what I ought to focus on. As long as I’m focused on stuff that matters, I don’t get driven nuts.

Sometimes things are annoying but I can address those things if they’re really important. I go nuts when I’m not clear. It’s like “I sound terrible when my guitar is out of tune” or “I hate it when my guitar is out of tune”. Why not tune it then? “Oh, but I’m in the middle of a song.” You’re always in the middle of a song. Better to stop it and fix it than to just sound terrible all the way through.

If the show is ruined because of a little stop like that, there’ll always be another show. And you’ll prepare better next time.