Wow this morning’s post was over 1.5k words. Somewhat remarkable. I just left work because I got to head to remedial training at Khatib Camp. I have to do remedial training because I didn’t complete my IPPT within 9 months from my birthday, which was 2 months after my ORD. I am not resentful about this. You do the crime, you do the time. I knew the rules (though I wasn’t very mindful of them and pretty much forgot about them), so I have no excuse.

I’ve been to three RT sessions so far. I need to do 20 altogether. That’s a total of 40 hours of my time. I get paid about 10-12 dollars per session, I believe.

Could I make better use of 40 hours of time? Hypothetically, sure. Realistically, if I had done my IPPT and gotten it out of the way, I would waste my hours stoning on the internet. I only protest the waste of my time when it’s because of external circumstances. Time I waste myself is completely okay. (Until something bad happens, and I find myself horribly unprepared and ill-equipped- then I resent myself for not practicing, not working out, not doing the reading,  etc.)

I’m not talking about pleasurable downtime, by the way. That’s beautiful. The apple cider you have after a hard day of productive work is very different from binge drinking every day because you have nothing better to do with your life.

I find myself thinking about national service. I’ve been meaning to put together a little guide for NSFs trying to figure out how to make the most of their 2 years of NS, but I’ve been fraught by perfectionism. I should probably just ship out a minimum viable post and just add to it over time.

I think one of the best ways to deal with NS, and RT, is to be determined to make the most of it. I think the same applies to JC too, but I was too blindly idealistic then, and naive, and ignorant and egocentric. It was my way or the highway- and so it was the highway. You can’t try to out-stubborn life into having your own way. Life is ruthless and it will beat you down mercilessly.

I went into NS deciding to make the most of the experience. It turned out to be rather bland and unfulfilling for me, so I was determined to do the minimum possible (without getting into trouble, of course) and do as much as I could’ve outside of NS. On hindsight I could’ve done more, but hindsight is always 20/20. I spent some great quality time with friends, I did quite a bit of reading and writing- I read Lost Illusions, The Black Swan, Carl Sagan’s biography, Soul Made Flesh, Norwegian Wood, Plato’s Republic and a bunch of other great books. I wrote a whole lot on my blog. I built an online community, all sorts of good stuff. I was hoping to be an officer, actually- to become a more responsible and respectable person, but I was unable to because of medical reasons. Man, the medical nonsense I went through was pretty hilarious on hindsight. But that’s the price of running a citozrm army I guess. I’m not going to complain about that. It is what it is.

I should consolidate that elsewhere. So I’m determined to make the most of these 40 hours. I’ve cut out fitness from the rest of my life in the meantime (though I thoroughly plan to resume it once RT ends). I’m approaching it as a meditative process- 20 sessions of two hours of quiet, still mind. I’m determined to extract all the value I can from that.

That said, the bigger question and challenge is- how do I get the most out of life at a broader level, rather than within the context of RT? If I had simply done my IPPT and saved these 40 hours, what could I have done with the time that would’ve been superior?

A big part of life is learning to appreciate the scenery on a detour- but we can’t spend our time continuously making detour after detour. If we can minimize unnecessary detours, surely we should? I’m aware of the “life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans” school of thought and I understand the value and importance of serendipity- but great serendipity and great detours happen when the road you’re on is great to begin with. I don’t believe in spending all of one’s time planning- everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face. But to just drift with the wind strikes me as suboptimal.

Alright, just done with RT. You know, I’ve had this thought a few times, and it was especially poignant when I was volunteering in prison- that prison, NS and now RT- it’s kinda good for sone people. For some people, it could be lifechanging,  even life saving. Think about the ultra fat kid who becomes fit during NS- we all know a guy like that. Not everybody makes that transformation, and not everybody sticks to it- in fact many fit people fall off the wagon in the middle of life somewhere.

This is a point I have to make very carefully. People can benefit from structure and routine. In the absence of good routines we fall into bad ones.  Let’s not overcomplicate this- I’ve noticed that my life seems to fall into place a lot better when I’ve been writing. If I haven’t been writing, I get edgy and cranky and I struggle to focus on any other task I might be obliged to do. This can be incredibly frustrating and painful, and the “lack of structure” screws up my pattern. On the other hand, if I’ve been writing, I kind of breeze through the day with more clarity and confidence.

So all else held constant, if I had some sort of structure/routine (and I’m building one) for keeping me on track with my writing, I’d be better off as a person. I’m pretty sure that this applies to multiple circumstances, not just writing.