Change Is Hard

“Philip Larkin has a poem- ‘This be the verse’ that goes:

 “They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.”

It’s written in a rather sombre, depressing tone. There’s an amount of despair in the poem. But I think if you meditate on that fact and you accept the truth encoded in it, you can learn to appreciate it. I don’t mean appreciate it like appreciating modern art in an art exhibition- that is, like a complete fucking idiot rubbing their chin thoughtfully. I mean appreciate it like you appreciate something that can kill you, and not in some beautiful elegant way but in the most unforgiving, unfair, stupid way. The original meaning of appreciate didn’t have a positive connotation to it- it meant simply to evaluate, to acknowledge or realize the value of something.

Once you appreciate the ugliness, you appreciate the flaws and the broken stuff, the horrible issues that plague your life, then you can (maybe, perhaps) start doing the incredibly difficult, challenging, HARD work of putting the pieces together. Sometimes this means closing yourself off permanently from environments that are toxic to you. Sometimes this means using prostheses. Sometimes this means developing habits and systems that you might have to stick with for years, maybe even decades. And all of that can seem really painful, really hard, really tedious. It can feel like giving in.” –


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