This post was written in April but incomplete, unfinished and unpublished.

I haven’t done a proper word vomit in over a month. The last thing I published appears to have been a repeat of something else, and I wrote that I had written it in January. Similarly I have been publishing old material that I had written prior. The actual act of sitting down and writing hasn’t been a part of my life for about a month, perhaps longer. And I can feel the effects on my brain. I can describe them but I know that I’m different when I’m writing and when I’m not.

Why did I stop? Well causality is never straightforward or 1-1. There are a bunch of reasons that all came together.

1. One was that I started feeling like I didn’t have anything new to report, and that I was merely repeating myself over and over again. I had reached a metaphorical end of the Timeline, where I was just refreshing and refreshing hoping for new notifications. But there are none, and you gotta move on.
2. Another is that I’ve been busy with work. I’ve been spending more tine on social media, which was interesting- but I’m going to cut back on that again.
3. I’ve been watching a lot of The West Wing- I’m in the middle of season 4 now, and it’s a great show. [1]

Moving on. I’ve been wanting to meet more smart/thoughtful people for coffee- I’ve always made vague plans with people that materialize maybe 5% of the time, maybe less. After meeting a few people here and there though, I realize that I’m just a happier, lighter person when I’ve been meeting others. They give me a broader context, which helps me look at my own life from a better angle. I make better decisions. I’m reminded that I’m not in this world alone, that I can build relationships with others and what I accomplish can have a positive (or negative) effect on others. It’s like playing an RPG and encountering othef player characters. It just gets a whole lot more interesting across a different dimension from regular single-player gameplay.

Moving on. When I stopped writing I felt like I had exhausted most if not all of my options, like I needed to surface for air, see look up from the canvass. I feel like there’s an optimal tempo- breathe in, breathe out, wax on, wax off. I felt out of breath. Now I feel like I might have hyperventilated a little. Have you ever seen the chart of Flow? I guess the ideal tempo would fit there.

Another thing I’ve realized. Writing is therapeutic for me by itself. I sleep better when I’ve written. Posts I’ve written in the past have often been useful for me much later on. Yet I sometimes fall into the trap of thinking of writing as a sort of chore, an obligation. It absolutely doesn’t have to be. It’s an investment, yes, but it’s also a privilege.

I want to write a million words because I think it’s a cool thing to do. I think it’ll have benefits I can’t even anticipate yet. But I also need to look at it as a sort of meditative process, of rumination and renewal. I feel good when I write, I feel like a better person. I feel like my thoughts are more organized.

So what’s on my mind? What do I have to talk about?

* I want to write about remedial training and how interesting that experience has been.
* I want to tidy up my recommendations Page to make it more useful for visitors.
* I want to aggregate my ADHD posts, so that they might be helpful to people who relate.
* I want to write a post about the futility of writing that isn’t surprising, challenging, interesting, exciting.
* I want to write about what I’ve learnt as a marketer. I think it’ll help me clear up my thoughts about why I do what I do, what I ought to be doing, and how to best do that.
* I want to write a post about all my heroes and my interpretations of their work.
* I want to write about the importance of art that provokes and inspires. The West Wing is the top thing on my mind right now that fits the bill.
* I want to write about what I’ve learnt about married and adult life. Maybe those should be two separate posts.
* I want to write about my favourite TEDtalks. Because why not? Might be useful to people, and might reveal things to me.
* I want to write about my approach to writing and creating content. Why is ecommerce worth caring about? Why is referral marketing worth caring about? Marketing itself? I should have good answers to all of these questions.
* I want to write about social media as a utility, and how my approach to navigating it has changed over the years. Also, different responses from different audiences in different areas.
* Aggregate the best of Reddit, HN, Quora? At least the stuff that’s interesting to me, so it might be useful to others like me.

All of the above are things that I should only bother with when I have some free time. I should carve out some time every day to think about these things and make a little bit of progress each day. That is all. They shouldn’t exist as fantasies, as an escape from the present. They should exist to influence and change my behaviour. Behavioural modification or GTFO.

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Notes:

[1] I think it’s good to make time for art that challenges and provokes you, that presents you with perspectives that expand your mind. I feel like WW is doing that for me. Martin Sheen described it as Shakespeare (all we had was the text and each other, something like that) and it certainly feels like it. I want my information diet to be enriching, at least. I spend too much time on Facebook, Tumblr and Reddit still, but I also can’t help but feel that I’m learning certain things. This might be rationalization but I helped a designer and a photographer- two separate, talented individuals get more exposure for their work and that felt really good.