Monday morning, earlier than usual. (Deciding to add or two of context to every vomit so it’s easier for me to sort them out.)

I’m still circling around the ideas of gamification and identity creation. In an article about Foucault, presentation of self and social media, Tim Rayner argued very compellingly that identity-creation is the most popular game online, more so than Facebook, candy crush, etc. As a recovering social media addict, I have to agree. Before I left this morning I spent a good ten to fifteen minutes on Tumblr looking at pretty pictures and reblogging the ones that I liked the most. Why? Identity creation (and/or curation). A platform like Tumblr makes it staggeringly easy for a person to build their identity.

This actually doesn’t require a particularly social element- though that definitely accelerates things. It ups the stakes- the risks and returns- of Profile creation. (I use the term Profile in the Nathan Jurgenson sense- something that we create and put together to represent ourselves, which subsequently comes to influence the way we see and navigate Meatspace.)

I believe that Facebook was originally Facemash- a kind of “hot or not” game, where you pick “who’s hotter”. Here’s a simple, falsifiable hypothesis- given the chance of playing such a game, without any specific instructions about why they’re playing or how long they should play (suppose it can go on forever), most people will happily play this game for a remarkably long period of time- I’d say ten minutes, maybe up to 30. If they’re on a train ride or something it could potentially keep them occupied the whole way unless they get interrupted by an IM or something.

Why? Such games give us a chance to express ourselves, to express our preferences, to exercise choice. We feel powerful within this limited space and we enjoy exercising that power. This is why people discuss celebrities, sports. Pick a team, have an opinion, share it with others, co-create your identities.

I went to a friend’s Church wedding once and I got a better sense of how and why the practice of Christianity is so addictive. They’ve really figured it all out. The whole family and community is involved. There are all these symbols of meaning and comfort. It’s really quite beautiful participatory storytelling. The church made one of the most compelling games of all. They have highly involved rituals for birth, marriage, death. You play, you get good, you get a sense of flow and pleasure.

Modern consumer culture might’ve been the game that followed- people were getting bored of the stock narrative and wanted to feel special, explore alternatives. Now you worship at the church called the Mall. The book Age of Absurdity explored this very beautifully. A few years ago I think I might’ve just mocked all of this with some sort of holier-than-thou attitude but I’m not so sure anymore. In the absence of good routines (by our own measure) we fall into bad ones. Without good stories…

So I think what I’m getting at is that it’s inescapable. Meditation and reflection and contemplation help to remind us that the self is an illusion, that stories are Illusions (wow I just felt a really strong pang of deja vu somehow). The question is- should we still choose our Illusions wisely? Is it entirely a waste of time? We’re subconsciously crafting narratives all the time. Rejecting narratives is itself a narrative, albeit a rather unique case.

What would my life look like if I attempted to focus on dispelling personal narratives rather than crafting better ones? I have no idea. Maybe I should give it a shot. I think for now I can strike a best-of-both-worlds balance by scheduling meditation at regular intervals. Freedom in spaces before absolute freedom, if such a thing even exists and if it’s worth pursuing. Those are loftier questions than the ones I think I should grapple with for the time being. Enlightenment doesn’t come on schedule, does it? It comes when you’re ready for it. Ha ha, more pretty narratives.

So uh… I guess the implications are… The first thing that comes to mind is education, schooling. The kids that do well in school might be those that base their identity on academic success in some way. “I am defined by my grades” is a dangerous, myopic way of doing it and it sets you up for failure and burnout. I defined myself somewhat in rejection of that- I wanted to think that “I am beyond definition”, or “I refused to be defined”… but ultimately I think I came to be defined by my stubbornness, my naivete (which I am still kind of proud of, I guess). I think it would’ve been better to define oneself along the lines of “I work hard to achieve quality in my life” or something like that. I don’t know. I have no wisdom to share, just a bunch of examples on how things can go wrong. Life is hard.

I got to work at this point, and stopped writing. Still have about 200 words to go. Still not clear about what I’m saying, but still very excited to figure this stuff out. I think there’s something to be dug up here. Beeminder is working well for me, but it isn’t the crack it could be. Things don’t necessarily have to “be social”, and it can be annoying to force people to link stuff up to Facebook, G+, Twitter, etc. Rather than make me share my stuff, it would make more sense to make me develop/create my identity through my choices. Again, this is what the good dating sites get people to do- guide people through creating a compelling character, and put them through a compelling narrative. This is what all good video games do. This is what schooling does not do. School is designed to make you an interchangeable cog. That’s hardly interesting. That’s hardly compelling. Why would anybody pick that over slaying dragons? Seriously?!

Help make people unique. Help people craft their own identities and give them a goddamn narrative, where they can start playing with real stakes, real everything. Stop demonizing games for doing what you can’t- hold people’s attention. Study them instead. Learn from them. They’re good because they have to be.